Monday, December 27, 2010

Prayer Buddy Reveal!

This Advent, I had the privilege of praying for K at Living Advent! :)  She is a wonderful, very "real" writer, and I loved getting to know her.  JBTC and TCIE, thank you so much for arranging Prayer Buddies!  

My prayer buddy hasn't contacted me yet, but I'm sure they're just busy with Christmas things! :)  In the meantime, I'll be checking the blogs pretty often to make sure I didn't miss her! lol 

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!

I know it's still Advent, but I won't get a chance to blog while I'm at my parents' house, so I'm wishing everybody a very merry Christmas a little bit early!  God bless you all!

O magnum mysterium,
et admirabile sacramentum,
ut animalia viderent Dominum natum,
jacentem in praesepio!
Beata Virgo, cujus viscera
meruerunt portare
Dominum Christum.

O great mystery,
and wonderful sacrament,
that animals should see the new-born Lord,
lying in a manger!
Blessed is the Virgin whose womb
was worthy to bear
Christ the Lord.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Doctor's Appt. Update

Well, I think my doctor's appointment went pretty well! :)  I went in for a regular Creighton appointment, but with my list of symptoms she decided to reschedule the Creighton and just focus on getting me healthy.  

Because I've been having (TMI warning!) vagi.nal discharge for a long time, she was going to do a pap right then and there (which I was NOT happy about lol).  I reminded her that I had just had one and that she noticed the discharge and took cultures during that appointment, but I had never heard the results.  Well, it turns out that my results got filed in the wrong place!  It could have been fixed months ago!  I'm more-than-slightly annoyed about that. lol  Anyway, she's putting me on a Z-pack and some other things (I can't remember what they are and I can't read her handwriting on the script lol), so hopefully that will go away.  :)

For my scary symptoms like my face going numb, dizziness, and stabbing pains (among others), she thinks it's anxiety.  I AM a worrier and over-thinker, so I think some of these things probably are anxiety related, but I'm not sure ALL of them are.  She's putting me on some anxiety meds to see if some of my symptoms go away.  She also ordered a back X-ray for me to see if I'll need surgery for my scoliosis.  Sigh.  All of that makes me very afraid, so I'm not going to think about it.

She totally dismissed the whole hey-I-feel-a-lump-in-my-throat-every-time-I-swallow/breathe/talk thing, which made me not-so-happy.  I told her that you can't feel the lump from the outside, but she felt my neck and was like, "Oh, I don't feel anything.  Everything feels normal." Oh, ok, except for the fact that something obviously ISN'T normal.  Sew would have been so annoyed! lol  I didn't push the issue, since she had already taken such a long time with me, but I plan to next month.

Fertility-wise, she's not sure I'm actually ovulating.  She is encouraged that my body is actually reacting to the estrogen/progesterone, though!  I'm going to get my FSH/LH tested on CD 3/4 and my estrogen and progesterone tested at P+7, and if my FSH/LH levels look better (last time I got it tested my FSH was at 165), she's going to give me clomid!  Exciting! :)

Oh, quick question!  When does everybody reveal their Advent prayer buddies? :)  Since I'll be going to my parents' house for Christmas, I won't be able to blog until I get home.  Would that be okay?  I've loved being a part of Prayer Buddies this time around!  What a blessing! :)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Well, I called my doctor yesterday to make sure I had the time of my appointment right, and it turns out that it's actually TODAY. lol  I'm sure glad I called!

On a random note, my little sister has started a blog!  Crazy!  She texted me last night saying, "You should start a blog!" If only she knew! ;)

Monday, December 20, 2010

Doctor's Appointment Tomorrow

Tomorrow I have my long-awaited doctor's appointment!  I'm super excited about it, because I want to figure out WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME. lol  I would really, really, really love a diagnosis, but I have a feeling I'll have to have a million blood tests (again) first.  You know, if I ever DO get pregnant and I have to take PIO, it's going to be awful. lol  I mean, obviously I would do anything for my baby, so I'd get over it, but I'm terrified of needles.  So, yeah, blood tests are not very fun for me! :)  In January, when I got a million blood tests done, I almost threw up and passed out. lol

Boomz and I are going to take on this appointment differently than our other ones.  I mean, yes, we're going to go over my chart, but I think our main goal for awhile is just going to be getting me healthy.  I mean, I have a huge list of things that happen to me that are pretty scary.  I also have bad scoliosis, so I'm going to have to go see a doctor soon to see if I need surgery.  I have a feeling I will, because my one leg is an inch or so longer than the other, so when I walk my back has to compensate.  So my lower back is literally twisted (you can't really tell by looking at me, though).  Ahh, I have to stop thinking about it because I start to get scared.  So if y'all could pray that my doctor's appointment goes well tomorrow, that would be great! :)  

I'm so grateful for this blogging community.  You all have been so wonderful!  Thank you for everything. :)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Randoms and Some Rants :)


My sister-in-law is letting me borrow The House of the Se.ven Ga.bles by Nathaniel Hawthorne, and I am super excited about it!  I love The Sc.arlet and Youn.g Brow.n, so I'm thinking I'm going to love this. :)  Have any of you read it?

Boomz and I finished Christmas shopping today!  Yay!  The mall was absolutely nuts.  Just crazy!  Afterwards, we went to my SIL's house to wrap presents, and we ended up having some interesting discussions.  J's an Evangelical Protestant, so we have differing opinions on several things. :)  She kept saying, "I'm so glad Uncle So-and-So is a Christian now!"  Uncle So-and-So was a Catholic for years before "getting saved" and leaving the Church, so I'm realizing she doesn't really think Catholics are Christians.  Boomz and I are exceptions since she knows that we have "personal relationships with Christ."  She also said that she thinks that occult things can't hurt people that are saved...I'm realizing how different Protestants and Catholics think, and it's fascinating.


There's a store that sells guns on the main street of our little town, and in the window there are large posters  of (literally) half naked women holding large weapons, and I am getting absolutely sick of seeing them.  For one, there are little kids that walk past those posters everyday, and they should NOT be seeing things like that.  Two, it objectifies women in a big way, and I'm sure they cause men to think lustful thoughts.  I was so mad yesterday when I walked past them while going to the post office that I almost walked into the store and complained (and I would have if the store didn't totally freak me out).  I think I'm going to write a letter to the chamber of commerce complaining that the posters are offensive to women, because I've just had it.  It makes me so freaking angry.

On a similar thread, I saw a commercial today for J.ust for Me.n that had a bajillion women in shorty shorts and tiny tops, which also made me angry.  I understand that women are objectified by men, but why do we allow ourselves to be objectified?  I don't understand.  It sets back true feminism!  Wow.  I am so pissed off that I should just stop now.

Sorry, I had a lot of other things that I planned on writing about, but I got distracted and I forgot what they were. lol  Oh well.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


...I applied for the job last night! :)  After talking with my mom (who works at a bank), my mother-in-law (who USED to work at a bank), my friend M.A. (who also used to work at a bank), and seeing all of your wonderful comments, I decided to just apply and see what happens.  Well, I got a reply this afternoon saying that I don't meet "minimum requirements" (which I don't really understand, but whatever.), so that settles that. lol 

 I really, really appreciate all your thoughts on my previous post!  You ladies are so wonderful! :) 

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Decisions, decisions

As you may or may not know, I'm a SAHW. :)  I spend most of my day by myself; cleaning, knitting, praying, cooking, blogging, reading, and learning how to bake. :)  I absolutely love, love, love my job!  Growing up, I was totally spoiled (I'm realizing now), because I never had any chores, so I'm learning how to cook/clean while "on the job". lol  Anyway, my DH, Boomz, went to the bank yesterday, and came back with a flier saying they're looking for a teller.  The teller, L, said I could use her as a reference, and nobody has applied yet.   It'd be 30-39 hours a week, and it'd be a significant amount of extra money each month.  We have a lot of expenses coming up (we want to buy a new car since our cars can't handle the snow, we need a new mattress, a CPAP machine for Boomz, we have a mountain of student loan debt), and I'd like to build up my credit a little more, so I'm considering taking the job.  I have reservations about it because: 1) I hate change. lol 2) I'm tired all the time as it is, so I'm worried I'll be exhausted working AND cooking/cleaning. 3) I'm worried stuff around the house just won't get done.  I'm sorry if I'm not making sense!  I'm just trying to get my thoughts organized.  

Okay, I think I'm going to make a Pros/Cons list. lol 

Money for car
Money for mattress
Money for CPAP machine
Money to help pay off student loan debt 
Could possibly help pay for an adoption if we're so called
Build up credit

Less time/energy for housework
Less freedom on weekends to see family/friends
Not sure I'd actually be good at it lol 

Oh, did I mention that while my husband was in the bank, I was in the car praying, "God, what would you like me to do with my life right now?":)  When I saw Boomz walking out of the bank with a smile and a flier, I started tearing up because I just KNEW it had something to do with a job. lol  I really don't WANT to get a job, because I love cleaning and taking care of my home, but I want to do what's best for  Boomz and I.  I mean, we're fine money-wise right now, it would just be EXTRA money.  Ughh...I am SO bad at making decisions! 

Any thoughts?  What would y'all do if you were in my situation? 

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Happy Feast Day!

Happy Feast of St. John of the Cross! :)  I am in love with Carmelite saints!

Here are some great quotes from this amazing man:

"I die because I do not die." I love this one.  I hear ya, St. John! :)

"To saints, their very slumber is a prayer."

"In solitude He guides her, He alone,
Who also bears in solitude the wound of love"

"God is hidden in the soul. You yourself are His dwelling and His secret chamber and hiding place." Ahh, just think of that!  It blows my mind!

St. John of the Cross, pray for us!  

Monday, December 13, 2010

Thank you!

Thank all of you so much for commenting on my last post.  I was sorely being tempted to self-pity, and obviously I fell. :(  I feel like kind of an idiot for posting it so rashly, and thought about taking the post down, but thought it'd be humbling to keep it up.  :)  I also feel like kind of an ungrateful brat because all of you really have been so wonderful and welcoming!  Again, thank you so much!

I talked to my husband about how lonely I am, and he thinks that maybe my longing for a baby is manifesting itself as loneliness.  At first I dismissed this idea, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it's probably a big part of it.  My temptations of self-pity always start when I'm reading baby things (at least, that's definitely what happened last night!).  I think I have a fear of being "left out" (not just in bloggerland, but in real life too); being the only one left without a child.  And somehow all of this manifests itself as loneliness. lol  I'm crazy.  I mean, I definitely would like friends too, but that might not be the heart of the issue.  

Thank you, everyone, for sticking with me through my crazy!  I don't think I'll be getting rid of my blog. :)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Letting it All Hang Out

I'm considering getting rid of this blog.

I don't know, I just kind of feel like it's pointless.  Who cares about what I have to say?  I don't have any deep insights into life (when I do, I don't know how to articulate them), and I'm not enriching the blogosphere in any way.  I've been thinking about this for about two weeks or so.

I just feel very alone.  I don't really have friends in real life (there aren't any people our age in our town or parish.  It's full of old people or young families), and seeing the deep connections all you (wonderful!) ladies in the blog world have just makes me feel even more lonely.  I'm not saying this to evoke pity or anything, I'm just being real. :)  And of course, I don't mean any offense to all of you beautiful ladies!  I understand that y'all have known each other a very long time.  I don't know.  I'm just lonely.  And all of the pregnancy announcements from my college friends don't help.

P.S. I realize this is totally opposite from the Yaylet'sbejoyful! post I just wrote, but I just needed to get this out.

Happy Gaudete Sunday!

And Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe! :)

What a wonderful day! 

Here's part of the reflection for today from the Advent volume of the In Con.versation with God books:

"Let us ready for Christmas by being close to Our Lady.  Let us try, as well, to get ready for the Holy Season by encouraging an atmosphere of Christian peace where we live and work, and by doing all we can in small ways to bring pleasure and affection to those around us.  People need to be convinced that Christ has really been born in Bethlehem, and few things are more convincing than the habitual happiness of the Christian, even in the midst of pain and contradictions.  Our Lady knew many such contradictions when she came to Bethlehem tired out and after such a long journey, and unable to find a place fit for the birth of her Son.  But these problems did not cause her to lose her joy when God became Man, and dwelt amongst us.

Those are words I needed to hear! :)  
Our Lady of Guadalupe, patroness of the Americas, pray for us!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Cycle Update

Well, it's CD5, and this period has been really weird.  It's been VL-L the whole time with some B in there every once and awhile. Could low progesterone be causing this?  I wasn't on it as long as I usually am, since I'm supposed to take it at P+3, and I didn't have a peak day this cycle, so I just kind of guessed when to take it. :) 

I have so many questions for my doctor, and I was supposed to see her yesterday, but she called and asked to reschedule for the 21st. :(  I've compiled a list of symptoms to bring to the appointment (sorry if some of them are TMI):

headaches-usually on the left side
face going "numb"-usually on the left side
vaginal discharge
prickly feelings in limbs
"lump" in my throat all the time
no energy (I don't even know what it feels like to HAVE energy. lol)
hot flashes
dry eyes-mostly left eye
phlegm or mucus of something in my throat all the time
dry mouth very often
ears hurt a lot-especially left one
reduced breast size
stabbing pains in chest

There are more, but I'm so used to them I forget about them. lol  So I add to the list when I notice something.  I have a feeling she'll tell me that I'm being a hypochondriac (other doctors have said that to me), but I'm not making this stuff up!  There's obviously SOMETHING wrong!  I'm going to try to be assertive, and make sure she takes me seriously.  And I'm going to insist she tries to figure out what's going on with my woman parts; I don't just want my symptoms fixed!  

On a happy note, my husband and I are going to go see the new Chr.onicles of Nar.nia movie tonight!  He also made reservations at this steak place that we've been wanting to go to for practically forever.  I'm so excited! :) 

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sigh-pt. II

I just read on ANOTHER friend is pregnant.  Okay, she's more of an acquaintance than a friend, but still.  And she's somewhere between 5-6 months pregnant, which means she got pregnant RIGHT AFTER she got married.  Both of these women got married after me.  When I got married, people were like, "By the time so and so's married, you'll probably be announcing you're pregnancy!" Yeah, right.  I knew I would have trouble having children for years.  I feel like such a brat getting upset about my friends getting pregnant, but it's an instant reaction.  Sigh.  I have to get over myself.  

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


I just found out my friend T is pregnant.  I'm happy for her, and she's going to be a wonderful mother, but it still hurts.  As soon as I saw it on, I texted her to congratulate her, and she said, "Oh no!!! J, I was supposed to call and tell you in person!"  She knows that Boomz and I are "having trouble conceiving", so I appreciate the fact that she was being sensitive, but I'm pretty sure they weren't even TTC!  When they got married, she told me they were waiting 6-9 months to start trying, and it's only been 5.  I don't understand.  How do women just get pregnant without bajillions of pills, blood tests, charting, and doctors?  Why is it so easy for most women but may be impossible for me?  I'm trying not to think "It's not fair," but I'm thinking it anyway.  Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

On a different note, I have a question for the ladies with PCOS.  My friend M thinks she may have it, and she seemed to think that it's not "fixable".  I asked if she could get a wedge resection, and she said that she could, but it only works for 8-10 months.  Is that true?  I've never heard that before.  Are there other options for her?  Thank you all so much!

Immaculate Conception

Happy Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception, and congratulations Sew! :)  What a wonderful day!

This is one of my favorite days of the whole liturgical year.  The Immaculate Conception has been one of my favorite titles of Our Lady long before I ever knew what it meant.  In 8th grade, my CCD teacher taught us about the saints (this was the first year we'd ever been taught about them), and she told us about the "Incorrupt.ibles".  St. Bernadette particularly fascinated me, so I asked my teacher if she could tell me more about her.  She gave me a biography of St. Bernadette, which I devoured, although I was so ignorant of the Faith that I really didn't understand much of it.  I remember getting chills when I read that Our Lady said to St. Bernadette, "I am the Immaculate Conception," although, again, I had no idea what that meant.  I remember having a discussion with a friend before my AP History class my junior year, wondering how Jesus could have been born on Dec. 25th if He was conceived on Dec. 8th! lol  I think it  might have been my freshman year of college when I finally understood what this doctrine actually means.  

Our Lady means more to me than I could ever express, and I know she was fundamental in my reversion.  Thank you, Mama, for praying for me.  I love you so much! 

"And a great sign appeared in heaven, a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet, and on her head a crown of twelve stars..." Revelation 12:1

Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!

P.S. Don't you just love that image of Our Lady and Jesus?  I love how He's all snuggled up to her!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Jesus Wept

My brilliant, wonderful husband emailed me this morning with the thoughts he had on his commute, and I just had to post them!  I'm so blessed to have such an amazing husband!

Here's the email: 

The shortest verse in the Bible is John 11:35, "Jesus wept."  This is, to my knowledge, the only time in the Bible that Jesus weeping is mentioned.  Even in the garden, during his agony, it says he was greatly troubled or distressed, even to the point that his sweat was as blood; but, never again in the Bible does it mention Jesus weeping.  Yet, what profound insight, mystery, and wonder is contained within this shortest of verses, these two small words!

If we are to properly understand this verse, we have to ask certain questions about it: Why does Jesus weep?  What does it mean that Jesus weeps?  What happens to cause Jesus to weep?  What happens after?  Jesus weeps right after he learns of the death of his friend Lazarus, the brother of Martha and Mary.  We know that he then goes to the tomb of Lazarus and calls him forth, raising his friend from the dead.  We must naturally assume that Jesus knew he was going to do this, even upon learning of the death of this beloved man.  Why, then, did he weep?

Jesus weeping gives us insight into his Sacred Heart.  He is close to us in our humanity.  He is close to us in our grief.  He's close to us in our loss.  He's close to us in our pain.  He's close to us (though He doesn't share in it) in our despair.  Jesus knew that these two sisters were grieving and hurting at the loss of their brother.  He, in his humanity, knew their friends and, possibly, other family were grieving at the death of Lazarus.  Tradition says that, by this point, it is likely that St. Joseph had died, so Jesus, too, knew the bitterness and loss that comes with the death of a loved one.  What's more, Jesus knew that death was an aberration.  Jesus knew that "in the beginning it was not so" and that death is a result of sin in the world.  Jesus knew that what God had created as perfection, as a paradise for His beloved children has been twisted and convoluted and corrupted such that death entered the world and these frail, wounded people had to suffer this loss.  Jesus wept because he felt grief and pain and loss, in deeper and more profoundly acute ways than we ever could on this earth.

Consider what it means to "weep."  People typically weep (at least in my mind) when they feel the deepest, most profound pain and are too distraught to sob.  Personally, if I weep, it's because I'm feeling, deep within the core of my being, this heart-wrenching pain that makes me feel so helpless or lost that sobbing is almost a profane action.  Tears streaming down his face, Jesus could still probably speak some, or could probably hold these women close to himself and comfort them in their grief.  Jesus felt such compassion and empathy and grief that tears just flowed freely. 

These two words, this shortest verse gives us such a keen insight into the authentically genuine humanity of Jesus Christ.  It shows us that God truly became man for us.  This Man, descended from heaven, born of a Virgin, grown in wisdom and stature, lost and found in the Temple, feels what we feel.  He weeps with us and for us.  What's more, while it gives us this insight into the authentic humanity of Christ, it also simultaneously shows us His divinity.  He has the eternal perspective which affords him the capacity to weep for the whole of humanity; for the existence of death.  Yes, Jesus became man and weeps with us, but he came from the Father and will return to him and thus he weeps for us, too.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I Survived!

I survived my friends' wedding!  There were about a million babies/toddlers there, but I survived!  Thank you all so much for praying for me (especially you, prayer buddy!).  

I spent most of the evening chatting with college friends, drinking 7 and 7s, and avoiding babies.  lol  Most of it was stupid small talk, and wedding planning talk (virtually NO when-are-you-going-to-start-trying talk!), but I had the chance to have a wonderful conversation with three of my friends about NFP!  One of them, M, is engaged and learning Creighton.  She thinks she has PCOS, which makes me sad, but I'm also happy I may have somebody (in "real" life) to talk to about IF-related things.  Does that make me a bad person?  The other two, thank the Lord, are blessedly fertile, and I made SURE they knew how lucky they are.  When I told them how blessed they are, one of them said to M and I, "Well, at least you don't have to deal with cramps and nausea every month."  This statement was frustrating for two reasons: 1) I DO have to deal with cramps and nausea every month.  I have periods, but I may not actually be ovulating.  2) HAVING TO DEAL WITH CRAMPS IS NOTHING COMPARED TO INFERTILITY!  I didn't say anything because I hate conflict, but really?  I mean, really?  Anyway, that was the only frustrating comment of the night, and the rest of the conversation really was wonderful, so I call it a success! :)

When I came home (to my parents' house, I should say, since we were staying there for the weekend) that night, I found out that my sister bought her wedding dress.  My family went to a store just to look at some dresses, but my sister found one that she absolutely loved, so she bought it right then and there.  I thought it was a little rash, and my feelings were hurt since I didn't get to see my only sister try on wedding dresses, but she's happy so I'm trying to get over myself.  The silver sash around the waist of the dress made her change her colors to black and silver, which means no more butter yellow!  Good news for this pasty girl! lol  

The next day we attended Mass with a friend and had "brunch" with a few more friends who were in town for the wedding.  I put brunch in quotations, because it was really more of a feast!  Our hostesses made bacon, blueberry pancakes, regular pancakes, sausage, various fruits (okay, they didn't MAKE the fruit, but you know what I mean! lol), donuts, pumpkin muffins, and some crazy quiche. :)  It was amazing!  We had some great conversation about rebellion, baptism, and liturgy.  The only thing that put a damper on the meal was the fact that there was a baby.  My friends have a 7 week old baby, whom I could not avoid.  However, she is a very cute baby, and she was often very close to me, so sometimes I would just stare at her like a creep.  IF sucks.  :)

I hope you ladies had a wonderful weekend! :) 

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Wedding this Weekend

My friends D and J are getting married this weekend.  This may make me an awful person, but I'm totally dreading it.  There are going to be at least three friends there with new babies, and because almost ALL of my friends got married this spring/summer, there is bound to be "baby talk".  You know, lots of people asking when we're going to "start trying" (ha!), why we don't have a little one on the way, when THEY are going to start trying, etc.  Ughhh.  I feel really selfish, because this is our friends' day, but I don't want to be there at all.  Also, I can't stand small talk, and the evening is going to be FULL of it, because my friends and I haven't talked to each other in practically forever.  

Oh!  I just thought of something!  My friend E is getting married in April, so maybe everyone will talk about wedding planning instead!  That would be wonderful! lol  I might just have to steer conversation that way! :) If only I could avoid seeing the babies...

On a different note, I know I'm always begging for prayers, but could you all please pray for a private family intention?  I'd let y'all know what it is, but my family doesn't want people to know.  It's a life-threatening situation, so the prayers would be really appreciated!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Feeling Much Better, but Confused!

Thank you all so much for praying for my husband and I yesterday!  We're feeling much better today.  We actually think it was a stomach flu, because we went to a friend's house and their grandson had it a couple days before.  That was the worst bug I've ever, ever had, and let's just say I wasn't suffering joyfully. lol  

Okay, so I'm extremely, extremely confused about this cycle.  I had 10SL CM last night, even though it's CD28. What the HECK?!  I mean, it's possible I misread things, but I don't think I did.  Ovulation can't be delayed THAT much, can it?  

I ended up taking Progesterone last night (before I saw the 10SL), because I just feel like it's been way too long to NOT be taking it.  I don't know if it was the right decision or not.  Ughhh...

Any thoughts on what in the world could be going on with me would be greatly appreciated. :) 

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Prayers, please

I'm pretty sure my husband and I have food poisoning, so could you all pray for us?  Thank you.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Prayer :)

First, I have a med question.  I'm supposed to start taking progesterone at P+3, but I haven't had any CM this cycle (it's CD 26), so do I still take it?  I'm totally confused about this cycle.  Sigh.

Since deciding to become my little brother's Confirmation sponsor, I've been reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church more frequently, and it has beautiful things to say about prayer!  Here are some of my favorite parts:

"The Son of God who became the Son of the Virgin also learned to pray according to His human Heart. He learns the formulas of prayer from his mother, who kept in her heart and meditated upon all the 'great things' done by the Almighty.  He learns to pray in the words and rhythms of the prayer of his people, in the synagogue at Nazareth and the Temple at Jerusalem.  But his prayer springs from an otherwise secret source, as he intimates at the age of twelve: 'I must be in my Father's house.'  Here the newness of prayer in the fullness of time begins to be revealed: his filial prayer, which the Father awaits from his children, is finally going to be lived out by the only Son is his humanity, with and for men."  CCC 2599

"Adoration is the first attitude of man acknowledging that he is a creature before his Creator.  It exalts the greatness of the Lord who made us and the almighty power of the Savior who sets us free from evil.  Adoration is homage of the spirit to the 'King of Glory,' respectful silence in the presence of the 'ever greater' God.  Adoration of the thrice-holy and sovereign God of love blends humility and gives assurance to our supplications. " CCC 2628

"The second prayer, before the raising of Lazarus, is recorded by St. John.  Thanksgiving precedes the event: 'Father, I thank you for having heard me,'  which implies that the Father always hears his petitions.  Jesus immediately adds: 'I know that you always hear me,' which implies that Jesus, on his part, constantly made such petitions.  Jesus' prayer, characterized by Thanksgiving, reveals to us how to ask: before the gift is given, Jesus commits himself to the One who in giving gives himself.  The Giver is more precious than the gift; he is the 'treasure'; in him abides his Son's heart; the gift is given "as well." CCC 2604

Ahh, I love the Catechism! :D

My own prayer life is...blah. lol  When I was in college, it was easy to be faithful to daily devotions because all of my friends would get together and pray the Divine Office or the rosary, and I lived about 2 seconds away from the church.  I could go visit the Blessed Sacrament at all hours of the night, and there was Adoration two times a week.  Then I went to the convent, and obviously it was easy to be faithful there! lol  Now that I'm married, however, it's easy to let things get in the way of my prayer life.  For the past couple of months or so, however, I've been trying to become more disciplined in all things, but especially prayer.  I've been praying the Morning Offering, the Angelus at noon (this one is really hard for me to remember), and the Divine Mercy Chaplet at three.  I've also been trying to remind myself of the Presence of God throughout the day, and be more faithful about praying the rosary.  Praying the rosary is really difficult for me, because it's so hard for me to meditate.  None of the "methods" work for me.  Mother Angelica and my sisters say to place yourself IN the Biblical story or mystery of the rosary, but I must not have a very good imagination because that never, ever works. :)  Ah, well.  St. Teresa of Avila said she knew a nun that reached the heights of sanctity, and she only knew the Hail Mary and Our Father! :)  So there's hope for me, yet!

What about you all? :)  Do you have any favorite prayers or method of praying?  

Saturday, November 27, 2010


Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

Thanksgiving with my family was...interesting. lol

Every time I go "home", something feels "off".  For a long time, I thought it was just because my family always expects my pre-conversion self to show up and, obviously, she doesn't, which causes tension.  While that is definitely part of it, I figured out the deeper cause this weekend.  To be blunt, they have no hope.  They live entirely for material things.  It's depressing as all get out.  Another thing that depresses me is the way my parents interact.  My mother is constantly telling my father that he's stupid or that he's an idiot, and my father doesn't know how to be a leader in his household and tries to avoid upsetting people no matter what the cost.  So, yeah, Ephesians 5 isn't exactly being lived out there.

At the actual Thanksgiving meal at my grandmother's house, I was saying something like, "I just want a baby, a dog, or a cat" (In jest.  Of course I don't think a baby is the same as a dog or a cat.), and the comments from my family made me SO angry.  Because I'm still a baby IF blogger, I haven't heard many of the standard comments IF women get, but on Thanksgiving I got almost all of them. :)  I heard, "Just relax, it'll happen!", "Just stop trying.  It always happens when you least expect it." "Just get drunk," etc, etc.  I just ignored them, and complained to my husband at the first opportunity.  lol

I didn't have any run-ins with my liberal cousin, thank the Lord!  There was, however, an incident with her 11 year old brother.  K came over to spend the night with my brother, and when he got to our house, he gave my brother a skateboarding magazine.  When he handed it to my brother, he said, "I especially like this page."  "This page" had a close up picture of a woman's butt wearing only a thong.  My husband informed my father, who hesitated to say something to my brother and cousin.  My mom said she was going to say something, but eventually decided she was, "too tired" (this is a microcosm of how my family works.).  After much nagging from me, my father finally told my cousin and father that the picture was "inappropriate" and tore out the picture.  Sigh.  I need to pray much harder for them than I do. 

My sister is well on her way with wedding planning already.  She has her date set for next November.  Her colors are butter yellow and brown (which will look horrible on my pasty skin), and her bridesmaids dresses have very low cut necklines.  I talked to Boomz about it, and he said something to my sister, and you'd have thought he killed the puppy!  Seriously, everyone started yelling and they thought he was telling me what to wear.  My mom was like, "You think I'm going to let people walk around with their breasts hanging out?!" (except she didn't say breasts), and I thought, "Yes.  Yes, I do.  You let me do it all through high school, you let L do it all the time, and YOU do it.  So yes, I do think you'd let that happen."  Ughhhh.  

I'm sorry, I know this is a complaining post, and probably isn't charitable, but my family is one of my biggest crosses, and I need somewhere to vent about it.  Although things with my family were tense, it made me incredibly thankful for the gift of faith and my husband.  Praise be to God! 

Happy Advent, everyone! :) 

P.S.  I just want to add that I love my family. lol  I realize that from this post it doesn't sound like it, but I would do anything for them.  They just cause a lot of stress, so I needed to vent a bit!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I'll Miss You Ladies...

...because I won't be blogging for a few days while I'm at my parents' house for Thanksgiving, and I don't want them to know I have a blog! lol  But I hope y'all have a Happy Thanksgiving!  Please pray that my cousin and I don't kill each other, that I can help my little brother understand the Faith better, and that I can at least pretend to be happy for my sister. lol

So it looks like this cycle may be a bust.  :(  I mean, it's CD 20 and there's no CM in sight.  I should have had some mucus buildup by now, right?  I'm relatively new to Creighton, and my charts are never, ever normal, so I could be wrong about thinking I should have some mucus buildup by now.  Any thoughts?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Did anybody else see "my" sisters on Opra.h today?!

I love them so much! 

It's CD19... shouldn't my mucus buildup be starting?  Well, it's not.  I've been having a lot of 4, 2W, and 2 days, but that's about it.  :(  I wonder what it would be like to have a predictable cycle.  I've always been in awe of women that know what day AF will be coming, because I have never, ever been like that.  My sister sometimes even knows what time of DAY hers will be coming.  Yesterday, I realized that my sister may have children before I do.  I could potentially be "atomically-lapped", in the words of M at Complicated Life. :)  I have no idea what I'll do if that happens.  Ah, well, I'll just cross that bridge if I come to it. 

I've been looking up Premat.ure Ovaria.n Insufficie.ncy lately, and I have a few of the symptoms: Hot flashes, high FSH levels, and reduced breast size (sorry if that's TMI).  I'm going to bring it up to my doctor in a few weeks, and see what she says.  I asked her if I should get an antral follicle count, and she got a little weird about it, so we'll see.  I'm planning on making a giant list of symptoms I've been having lately and handing it to her. lol  I JUST WANT TO BE HEALTHY!  I just want to know what's wrong with me.  

I have a random question.  My husband and I really want to "live" Advent this year, so we bought an Advent wreath.  I've never had an Advent wreath before, since my family doesn't know the Faith, so I kind of don't know what to do. lol  I know there are prayers to say each Sunday of Advent, but I don't know what to do with the candles.  Do you keep them lit all week?  Or just all day on Sunday?  Or just for a little bit on Sunday?  I have no idea what I'm doing. lol

Blessed Miguel Pro, pray for us! :)

Monday, November 22, 2010

Why I Love My Husband (2)

He's super ticklish!  It's the cutest thing ever!

He allows me to live my dream of being a housewife, even if it means giving up a bigger apartment or a new car (for now).  I can't tell you how much I appreciate this!

He has all the confidence in the world in my cooking abilities-even though he doesn't have much of a reason to be. lol :) 

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Hot flashes...

...are hell. 

Just thought I'd let y'all know. :)

Babies are Everywhere.

Last night, my husband and I (I feel like I start a lot of sentences like that. lol) went to Ol.ive Gard.en to celebrate his brother's 30th birthday.  His brother's two-year-old, L, was there, whom I absolutely adore.  :)  I couldn't get enough of watching her!  I hope that doesn't sound creepy. lol  I just loved watching her little mannerisms-she has such a big personality!  I kept thinking, "I wonder if this is what it will be like if I have children.  Will I love watching my child's face as much as I love looking at her's?  Or will I just get used to it?".  However, as much I love spending time with my niece, every time I'm with her the ache inside gets worse.  Last night, it was very, very bad.  Babies were EVERYWHERE in that restaurant.  Seriously every table around us had at least one baby or toddler.  The ache for a child got so bad it physically hurt, and I was having a very hard time holding it together.  I ended up being fine, I mean, I just put on a happy face and tried to talk a lot. lol

I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with the fact that I don't know WHY I'm infertile.  My doctor keeps telling me that she wants to get me cycling normally and then she'll think about Cl.omid and other fertility drugs, but how can she best treat me if she doesn't know WHY I'm all screwed up?  This didn't really start bothering me until a couple of weeks ago, because I've just been so excited that SOMETHING was being done, instead of just being wrote off.  I mean, I would like to just KNOW if I'm in early menopause, so I know if I have any hope at all of conceiving.   I have an appointment in 2 and a half weeks, so I plan on voicing my frustrations. :)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Prayer Requests 19 year old sister just called me and told me that she's engaged.  I'm having mixed feelings.  I'm happy for her, because she's so happy, and I love her  However, they plan on living together before marriage, and I suspect they have an unchaste relationship.  I'm not even really worried about her age (I knew at 19 I was going to marry Boomz), but I am worried about the fact that she has no idea what marriage means.  She has absolutely no faith formation.  And I'm nervous because this means MORE confrontation for me! lol  Unless their relationship changes, I cannot be in the wedding because it would appear as if I approve.  When she called, I told her I was going to give her some marriage books (I had Goo.d New.s About Se.x and Marriage by Chris.topher West in mind), because she really needs to know what she's getting into.  Do you have any other ideas for books I could give her?  Sigh.  I'm so worried about this whole situation.  I'm worried for her soul and the humongous blowup that's going to ensue if I say I can't be in the wedding.  I'm sorry, this is a stream of consciousness post, so I might be repeating myself a lot. lol  Ahhh...everything is just crazy.  If you could please pray that I handle this situation correctly, and that my sister will return to the Church, that would be great. 

Oh, I have ANOTHER prayer request!  Last night, Boomz and I went to dinner with one of his former colleagues and his wife, and they're having a really hard time with their oldest daughter.  She had a baby when she was 18, she's addicted to marijuana, and she may lose custody of her child.  It's a really sad situation, especially since her parents had no idea she had a drug problem.  Please pray for them!

Mary, Virgin and Mother, pray for us!

Friday, November 19, 2010

7 Quick Takes!

I guess this isn't an "official" Quick Takes post, because I'm not linking to Conversion Diary, but I'll call it one anyway. :)

1) On Sunday night, I resolved to get to daily Mass this week.  It didn't work.  I didn't go to ONE daily Mass.  :(  I tell myself, "Oh, I'm really exhausted, Jesus understands.  I don't have any energy at all, if I go, I'll just be miserable."  Then I feel guilty all day, because I think of all the saints that dragged themselves to Mass, no matter how sick and tired they were, to be able to be one with the Lord.  UGH.  I'm going to try harder next week!

2) I just heard on E.W.T.N that half of the abortions in the country occur in only five states: New York, California, Illinois, Florida, and Texas.  That just blows my mind.  Texas particularly shocked me, because they're always portrayed as conservative!  I guess conservative doesn't necessarily mean pro-life, though.

3) This is going to sound odd, but I'm getting pretty nervous about Thanksgiving. lol  My extended family all gets together for Thanksgiving, and nobody really understands my husband and I.  They all think we're judgmental, and take religion too seriously.  I'm particularly worried about my cousin M, though.  Since she's gone to college, she's become crazy liberal.  She's now an agnostic, aggressively pro-abortion and gay marriage, and is known as the "condo.m lady" among her peers because she hands so many out.  She's very vocal about what she thinks, so I'm afraid it's going to lead to a confrontation, or at least some uncomfortable situations. lol  It makes me sad because: 1) Her soul is at stake.  I know that sounds dramatic, but it's true.  She's never been baptized, and I'm afraid she won't be open to it for a long time, 2) She's not thinking for herself, she's just following the trend on campus, and 3) She and I used to be very close, and now I don't even know what to talk to her about. :(

4) I've been having some really great dreams lately! :)  They're actually pretty sane, compared to my usual ones! lol  Anyway, a couple of nights ago, I had a dream that Boomz and I adopted a little girl with blonde curls and blue eyes (she looked a lot like our niece, actually).  In my dream, we were snuggled all up together taking a nap, when I heard somebody trying to get in the apartment.  I picked her up (she was suddenly all dirty lol), held her really close, and opened the door to confront whoever was trying to break in.  It was two guys wh!o were in my class in high school!  I said something like, "What do you think you're doing?!", and they had some kind of excuse and walked sheepishly away.  When I woke up, I was missing the baby girl. :( Last night, I had a dream that Boomz and I were best friends with a Hasi.dic couple.  I'm pretty sure I had this one because I watched a documentary on their life a few days ago.  It was fascinating!

5)  I'm getting pretty excited about starting to teach my little brother about Confirmation!  :)  It's going to be so much fun!  I hope he gets excited about it...he used to love listening to me talk about the Faith, but now girls and skateboarding seem to have taken over. lol  He used to have a rosary hanging up by his bed, along with a crucifix and a picture of Our Lady, but last time I went home, I found them in a closet.  Sigh.  When he was 11, he told me he wanted to be a priest.  Maybe, through the grace of God, some of his interest will return through all of this! :)  A month or so ago, he was learning about St. Michael the Archangel and the guardian angels in CCD, and he texted me and said that he thought that was really cool, so I guess there's hope!

6) I have worry lines.  I'm not even 25, and I have WORRY LINES!  What's up with that?

7) This morning while I was reading the Catechism (I'm a nerd!), I found a little card tucked inside I used as a bookmark while I was in the convent.  It says, "Oh Mary, I put my trust in you; in this hope I live and in this hope I long to die, saying over and over: My only hope is Jesus, and after Jesus, Mary."  It's a quote from St. Alphonsus Liguori, and I just love it so much!  I'm renewing my Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary (I don't necessarily agree with everything on that site, just fyi) right now, so that quote is so appropriate.  :)   Do you have any favorite titles of Our Lady?  I have practically a million: Immaculate Conception, Our Lady of Lourdes, Cause of Our Joy, Ark of the Covenant...I could go on and on. lol

Thursday, November 18, 2010


Okay, so, I had posted something earlier today about a womanly issue I was having, but got super uncomfortable with it and deleted it, because I was embarrassed and thought it was probably TMI.  Is there such a thing in the IF blog world?

Question #2) Can coffee effect your fertility?  I've heard pregnant women shouldn't drink it, but can it effect CM or hormones at all?

Question #3) Can somebody explain the Brown Scapular to me?  I've never had an issue with it until a friend explained it to me as something like magic that will make sure I won't go to hell.  I know Ange.lica says that Our Lady promises if one wears is wearing a scapular, they won't "burn in eternal fire", but how can a piece of wool do that?  It kind of sounds like superstition when explained that way (no offense to anybody that wears it-I just don't understand!).  

Shoot...I had another one but I've forgotten.  Oh well.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Our Courtship pt. III-The Wedding!

Well, after he proposed, I was (of course) crying and crying, and I just kept saying, "Nuh uh!  Really?!  Are you serious?!  Nuh uh!", which made him laugh and say, "Is there a yes in there somewhere?"  lol  So we prayed together for awhile, and went to Ou.tback. :) 

So we set our date for the next April (we wanted it to be earlier, but my family convinced me I would need more time to plan), and that August I moved to his town to be closer to him.  :)

I won't bore you with all of the planning details; I'll just go straight to the wedding! :)  I woke up on the couch at my parents' house the day of the wedding with a migraine.  It was horrible; I even threw up!  So I went to my hair appointment feeling like I was going to die, but some coffee and Ex.cedrin cleared that right up.  My hairdresser is a devout Catholic (very rare in my town), so we had wonderful conversations about marriage and nuns and our favorite devotions-it was great! :) 

After my hair was finished, I went home to finish getting ready.  My aunt, who sells Mar.y K.ay, came over to do all of my girls' makeup for free.  :) It was so much fun sitting around with the photographers (some of my friends from college) and my bridesmaids, but my mother was starting to get nervous because she thought getting ready was taking too long. lol  Anyway, I was ready on time, and I had to hide away in the sacristy with my girls, and that was when I finally started to get nervous. I wasn't nervous about getting married or anything, I was mostly nervous that my dad was going to cry because I just cannot handle that. lol  

I walked down the aisle to "How Beautiful", and my husband and I had it timed so I would walk down at, "How beautiful the radiant bride...", but the priest kept nodding at me so I left early (I'm such a pushover).  My husband had his eyes closed the whole time I was walking down the aisle! lol  He opened his eyes at the line I was supposed to start walking, and I was already right next to him!  Sigh.  I totally regret walking early!

When Boomz and I were planning our wedding Mass, we wanted to make sure it was about glorifying God and not ourselves, so we went all out (or what we considered to be all out at the time. lol) with the liturgy.  We had the Gloria (it was a Solemnity, so we were allowed), and lots of incense and some Latin.  :)  Our readings were from Tobit, Revelation, and John 17.  Ugh I wish I could remember the chapters and verses, but I can't!  I know the Tobit one was when Sarah and Tobiah were praying before their wedding night, and the Revelation reading was the Wedding Feast of the Lamb, but I can't remember the verses...ugh.  Anyway, we had wanted songs that his family would know, since they would be so uncomfortable at Mass (they're all Protestant), so we had Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, In Christ Alone, Be Thou My Vision, and other ones I can't remember. lol  Our prelude music was a recording of the Ta.ylor Chora.le (my husband went to Ta.ylor Univ.ersity back in his Protestand days. lol) singing Caritas et Amor, Holy, Holy, Holy, and Bogoroditse.  I cried during almost all of the songs because I was so grateful to God for sending His Son and for Boomz.  :)  My whole family (and many friends) said it was the most beautiful "ceremony" they'd ever been to.

In my hometown, it's tradition for the bridal party to go bar hopping between the wedding and the reception.  Ray and I didn't want to do that (who wants to sit in a dirty bar in their wedding dress? Not me.), so we all went to a nearby winery! :)

The reception is almost entirely a blur because I had to talk to so many people!  Boomz and I didn't actually spend much time together during the reception because people were pulling us every which way.  I was very excited about eating "wedding food" (we have traditional hometown comfort food at all of our weddings where I'm from), but I couldn't eat any for some reason.  Our first dance was to a song written and sung by Boomz' best friend, and my husband sang to me the whole time we danced. :)  At one point I said to him, "Everyone is looking at us!" and he said something like, "What do you think they've been doing all day, silly?". lol  We combined the father/daughter and mother/son dance and danced to the song "W.hat a W.onderful Wo.rld", and Dad didn't cry, which was good. lol  We had a "candy bar", which was a big hit.  I'm pretty sure Boomz' family was scandalized, though, because they didn't dance AT ALL and my whole family was dancing like crazy. lol 

I started feeling badly again, so Boomz and I left early (around 9:30, I think), but my mother said the party went on for long afterwards! :)  We Catholics sure know how to have fun! :)

Thank you, Jesus, for such an amazing husband!

"'Hallelujuah!  For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.  Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready'...And the angel said to me, 'Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.'" Revelation 19:6-7,9.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Our Courtship pt. II

As I was packing for the convent (I think it was the day before I left-typical me!), I was thinking about Boomz, and all of a sudden I thought, "I'm going to marry this man."  I don't think that thought came from me, because it happened very suddenly, and I just KNEW it was true.  My friend MAN (those are her initials lol) and I often say that truth resonates, and that's what happened when I thought that.  I wish I could explain what I mean when I say I just KNEW, because that seems to happen to me a lot (sometimes I say to my husband, "I don't know how I know, I just know things!" lol), but I can't.  

But at that point, I was "in too deep", and I kind of brushed the thought off.  So late that August, I set off for the convent.  As you know if you read my religious life posts, I left a few months later.  When I went to get into the van, Boomz was waiting there for me!  My mom had called him, and even though I said that I didn't want him to come along (I thought it would look bad), he didn't listen. lol  When I saw him, I was completely shocked, so the first thing I did was smack him on the chest and said, "You're so dumb!".  lol

After I left, Boomz and I talked on the phone or texted pretty much constantly.  As I wasn't allowed to write him letters while I was in the convent, we had A LOT of catching up to do!  Rumors were swirling around our group of friends because I hadn't come out and told people that I had left (I was scared of being judged, since I had made such a big deal out of going to the convent.  Sigh.), which made me withdraw (true to my phlegmatic-sanguine self), and cause MORE rumors about Boomz and I.  I still have trust issues due to all of that.  Anyway, people were scandalized that we were spending so much time together (He lived 3.5 hours away from me at the time, so he drove to my parent's house every weekend to spend time with me).  I, however, was sure that I was going to marry him, and kept saying to people, "Hey, if you know, you know".  :)  Most people felt we were going too fast, but by the end of April, we were engaged. :) 

 (This picture does not do it justice-Boomz did such a good job!)

Oh, btw, we never actually went on a "first date".  Our relationship just kind of naturally progressed from friendship to...more than friends.  It was wonderful! :)

Anyway, he proposed to me in the Adoration chapel of his parish church the first weekend I actually plucked up the courage to drive to his house (It was the farthest I've ever driven by myself. lol  I'm from a teeny tiny town-the interstate scared me!).  When we got there, there was another woman there, so we sat and prayed silently for awhile.  He had told me that he wanted to read a letter to me in the chapel, but I was getting impatient (we were going to Out.back afterwards lol), and told him he could just read it to me laterHe insisted on waiting, and when the lady left, he went out to the car to get the letter.  At that point, I suspected that he was going to propose, but wouldn't let myself believe it.  Well, I was right! :) :)  He was so cute as he was reading, he was shaking so much! Here's the engagement letter:

How deeply contented and at peace am I, darling, when I consider us together!  I can think of no other path in life down which I could travel where I would be as happy, fulfilled, joyful, proud, and whole as I have been traveling the path of life with you since we met.  At a time in my life when I doubted things like commitment, fidelity, compatibility, honesty, trustworthiness, even love-you came: a beacon shining brightly the love of Christ and began to restore my faith in those things which I thought I would never believe in again.  Now, more than a year later, I have fallen more deeply in love with you than I could have ever thought possible.  Your love of Our Lord, my beloved, has truly always been abundantly evident in all you say and do.  I could ask for nothing more than to have such a beautiful model and inspiration as you are in what it means to love not only Christ, but also His Mother, His Church, and all His people.  You have taught me much about love, patience, humility, kindness, gentleness-the list goes on.  I still have much to learn, it's true, but I look so forward to learning and growing with you!  The two of us, it could be said, are as different as night and day; there is some truth to this, I'll admit.  However, I believe wholeheartedly that we complement and complete each other in such a beautiful, perfect way that it can only have been in the plan of Our Creator that we would unite and help spur each other on toward holiness, righteousness, virtue, and love.  It is inspired by this belief-that we are perfect for each other and, apart from you, nothing makes sense-and through much prayer that I have come to know in my heart that we should spend the rest of our lives together.  And so, I could think of no better place to ask you to be my wife, beloved, than in the peace and silence which the Presence our Eucharistic Lord brings, so that my petition to you might also serve as a prayer and petition to Him such that He Who is Grace might shower upon us, through His and Our Mother, Mary, all the grace we need to begin our life together.  

Truly yours always,

Part III to come! :)

Real quick...

...before I start writing the courtship post.  Please pray for my husband and his job situation.  His company has placed him in a not-so-good school (examples: a gun got stolen from a teacher's car by some students the other day, and today 15 cops and 5 dogs showed up), and tomorrow he has to go to an inner city school to get acquainted the system before the guy there goes on vacation.  It might not be a big deal, but there are shootings or stabbings or something pretty much every day downtown, so I'm worried. :)  So, yeah...please pray for his safety!  And that he'll be placed in a nicer school soon!  Thank you!

Our "Courtship" pt. I

A few days ago, when I wrote about my fake religious vocation, a commenter suggested I write about my husband's and my courtship, which I think is a great idea! :)  It's kind of confusing, and not exactly...normal, but I'll give it my best shot.  Hopefully, y'all aren't scandalized! ;)

My husband and I met my freshman (his junior) year of college at a Catholic youth group.  At the time, he was an Evangelical Protestant trying to save all of us Catholics from going to hell, and I was a cradle Catholic who was just starting to learn about the Faith.  I don't really remember interacting with him much that year, but I knew he wasn't Catholic and was really confused about why he was there. lol  I was also super intimidated by him because he seemed very blunt (something I am definitely NOT) and extremely smart.  He was told by a mutual friend (a Catholic who brought him to the youth group) that I was "the one who looks like a Ba.rbie doll" and he thought I was "too bubbly". lol  In the meantime, I was discerning a religious vocation and being BFF with a different Italian boy in our youth group. :)

Fast forward to sophomore year, and Boomz is in the RCIA program at our university parish (haha!), and I'm pretty much in love with religious life and somewhat infatuated with Other Italian Boy.  Upon discerning that I was NOT supposed to be with Other Italian Boy (he's now in seminary!), I set my sights on religious life.  One of my first interactions with Boomz that year was when I brought an agnostic friend that I met in my astronomy class to a get-together at the university parish.  At one point, Boomz looked at me and said, "You know he's in love with you, right?". lol  I didn't believe him (I am SO BAD at noticing these things), but later I realized he was right and it gave us something to talk about.  Anyway, as I still thought I had a religious vocation, I got my application papers, and then, true to my nature, procrastinated. :)  Two months later, I finally decided to start on my papers in the lounge at our parish where a lot of students hung out.  I was alone and totally overwhelmed when Boomz walked in.  He quoted some Scripture (Phil. 4:6) to help calm my fears, and we talked for a long time.  After this interaction, I would find myself making excuses to sit around in the lounge, hoping he'd be there or stop in. lol  

When our youth group went to the March for Life that year, Boomz and I got put into the same group (our youth group would split into several groups and walk around D.C. a couple nights before the actual March), and for some reason, I found myself being very excited about that!  I got to have some good conversations with him, and we walked around and sang songs from Wi.cked together.  :)  By this time, I think I had a full-blown crush on him, but was in total denial.  

For the rest of the year, he would help me set doctor appointments for my application, provide the emotional support I wasn't getting at home (my parents were completely against me going to the convent), and become my best friend.  He'd come over to my apartment and we'd do homework, watch movies, and drink coffee until very late at night (much to the chagrin of my roommates...oops.), and I would go over to his place and attempt to do homework while he and his buddies played video games. lol  I realize that our attachment was probably inappropriate since I was entering the convent, but I see now that God was nudging me toward marrying Boomz even then, although at the time I thought that was the devil tempting me. :)  There are probably so many things wrong grammatically in that sentence-oh well. lol  Anyway, although he was in love with me, he sacrificed himself and his desires to help me enter the convent, which made my love and appreciation for him deepen (although I was mostly still in denial lol).

I'll write the next part later today or tomorrow! :)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Confirmation/Pants/Temperaments/Sauce/Pimples/Numb Face

-Thank you all so much for the advice about being my brother's Confirmation sponsor!  I've decided to sponsor him, and I'm getting pretty excited to teach him about our beautiful faith!  He had to pick his patron saint today (He decided RIGHT before the meeting. Sigh.), so last night I sent him information on all sorts of amazing saints.  I tried to think of saints that he'd find interesting, so I sent him St. Sebastian, who was a captain of the Roman army and was martryed, St. Tarcisius, an acolyte in ancient Rome who, when he didn't let an angry pagan mob see/handle the Blessed Sacrament, was beaten to death, St. Ignatius of Loyola, a knight-turned-priest, St. Pio of Pietrelcina, a friar that had the stigmata and could read souls, Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, a Third Order Dominican (yay!) who loved the poor and died of polio when he was 24, and St. Joseph. :)  Wow, that was a really long sentence.  Anyway, he chose St. Joseph, which was no surprise because my family just sees it as adding another part to your name.  However, I told him that since he chose St. Joseph, he's supposed to try to model himself after him, and I gave him a list of virtues that St. Joseph exemplified.  Bubby said he'll ask St. Joseph to pray for him every day and try very hard to be like him. :)  I have big hopes for that kid!

-I saw a man wearing purple corduroy pants today at Mass!  It was awesome! lol

-A few years ago, the four temperaments (choleric, melancholic, phlegmatic, sanguine) were all the rage among my friends , and we were always trying to figure out which temperament our friends had.  I'm a phlegmatic-sanguine and my husband is a choleric-melancholic (COMPLETE opposites lol). I would love to see which temperament you all have!  I've already tried to guess a few of yours...we'll see if I'm right! lol  Here's a great website with more information (You have to sign up to take the free test.).  Yay!  I'm so excited! :) 

-My husband is a bone fide Eye-talian (my whole family pronounces Italian this way-it drives him crazy! lol), and last night he made spaghetti sauce from a super old family recipe.  He made 3.5 gallons of it (we cut it down from 12 gallons!), and we plan on giving some to his siblings for Christmas!  Boomz did a wonderful job with it; it was delicious! :)  He kept telling me, "It's a meat sauce, not a tomato sauce," which I didn't really understand until I ate it.  It has pork AND beef and carrots, celery, garlic, tomatoes (obviously lol), onions, and a million other things, and it was amazing!  Thank you for making it, honey! :)

-I have a hormone-related question.  When I was younger, I had great skin.  I never really broke out, and if I did, it was like one pimple and it would go away pretty quickly.  Now, I get giant pimples (sorry, this is kind of gross lol) that won't go away.  I've even resorted to popping them, which I never used to do.  Also, I have a ton of bumps on my forehead, which is really oily while the rest of my face is super dry.  Could being on estrogen/progesterone be doing this?  It's really annoying-I feel like a thirteen year old! lol  

-I've also been having scary chest pains off and on every day for a little over a week.  Sometimes it's like a sudden stabbing to the left of my sternum when I inhale, but most of the time it's almost like a cramping.  I had an EKG done a few years ago when I started having chest tightening (the pains I've been having lately feel different, though), and the doctor said I have an arrhythmia.  He said that normal hearts go bump, BUMP, bump, BUMP, but my stupid heart goes bump, bump-bump, bump, bump-bump.  Does anybody know if my arrhythmia be causing the chest pains?  Also, for the last two days or so, the left side of my face has had a dull sensation...I don't really know how to explain it other than I don't FEEL as much as I should be.  For example, if I pinch it, it doesn't hurt as much as it should.  I can move it fine and there's no difference in movement between the left and right sides.  I've had this before (it started in January 2009 and happens every once and awhile), and a doctor who was there while it was happening said it sounded like an allergic reaction.  At the time, I thought it was the cats who were in the house (we were visiting friends), but right now I'm at home and I don't know what it could be.  Sigh.  I'm so messed up. 

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Advice needed

Last week, my little brother asked me to be his Confirmation sponser.  My first reaction was "YAY!!" because I was secretely hoping he'd ask me.  However, my husband pointed out that if I say yes, that means I'm responsible for making sure he's ready for the sacrament (I know, duh, right? lol).  If he's not, that means I have to let the priest know.  This is problematic because my family doesn't really practice their faith.  I mean, my brother (I'll call him Bubby. lol) goes to CCD, but they don't go to Mass or Confession, and they know almost nothing about Catholicism.  For example, I asked my dad one time if he knew why we genuflect when we enter a pew, and he said he had no idea.  So, in order for Bubby to be ready for the sacrament, he'd have to go to Confession and then attend Mass every Sunday.  There are two problems with this: 1) I live 3.5 hours away so I'd have a hard time enforcing my "rules", and 2) I hate being confrontational. lol  I COULD just be like, "Sorry, Bubs, I'm too far away!", but I'm the only one in our family (even our extended family) that knows anything about the faith, so I'm afraid that I'm the only one that could properly prepare him (I know that sounds really, really prideful, but I don't mean it to be at all).  What do y'all think I should do?  I've been thinking about it for about a week and I'm still unsure of what to do. :(

Friday, November 12, 2010

Facebook-Induced Breakdown

When I first started reading the IF blogs, I didn't understand why people were so bothered by reading Facebook news feeds.  Well, that must have been because nobody I knew was pregnant at the time, because now I understand. :) I saw this facebook status from a "friend" I haven't talked to in a few years:

"I cannot wait until 7:30 AM on January 10th to meet little Mr. ___.   This cannot come soon enough! I do, however, love feeling him wiggle around and kicking. :) I will miss it..."

One of her friends then commented: "I love being pregnant but man my body is killing.  Play dates?!"

Then I saw on another "friend's" facebook: "I should find out if it's a boy or a girl in 2 weeks!  I'm 4 1/2 months along!"

At first, these things didn't even bother me!  I was even happy for the second lady (I've known about the first woman's pregnancy for awhile)!  But later on, when other stupid things were happening to remind me that I'm not normal, I had a complete breakdown.  An ugly one, too.  Usually my breakdowns consist of a quivery chin and some silent crying, but this one was more like loudly sobbing into my husband's chest.  I was having another one of my "But it's not fair!" moments (they're both unmarried).  Why can't I just be normal?  Why do I have hot flashes when I'm only in my early 20's?  Why can't doctors figure me out?  Why do other women (WHO DON'T EVEN WANT KIDS) get pregnant just by touching a man?  I might not ever get to feel a baby wiggling around inside of me. I might not ever get to have play dates. I might not get to go through morning sickness and back pain for my baby.  UGH!  

My wonderful husband was soothing me the whole time, reminding me that this would be a great opportunity to offer my pain up, and that "Every one to whom much is given, of him will much be required" (Luke 12:48-RSV).  He reminded me that although all of those people have a baby, they don't know God (no judgment-just fact).  They get to be pregnant but they don't have the privilege to recieve Jesus in the Holy Eucharist.  While he was talking with me, I realized that I want God's will...but only if that will has a baby in store for me.  IF is the hardest thing I've ever gone through.  It's much, much more difficult than leaving Boomz for the convent, or leaving the convent for Boomz.  It's much harder to accept IF as God's will, much harder to practice detachment, and much harder to not get discouraged.  Tonight made me realize how much I've been relying on my own strength--and it's not working.  

Not one bit. :(