So...my 19 year old sister just called me and told me that she's engaged. I'm having mixed feelings. I'm happy for her, because she's so happy, and I love her boyfriend...er...fiance. However, they plan on living together before marriage, and I suspect they have an unchaste relationship. I'm not even really worried about her age (I knew at 19 I was going to marry Boomz), but I am worried about the fact that she has no idea what marriage means. She has absolutely no faith formation. And I'm nervous because this means MORE confrontation for me! lol Unless their relationship changes, I cannot be in the wedding because it would appear as if I approve. When she called, I told her I was going to give her some marriage books (I had Goo.d New.s About Se.x and Marriage by Chris.topher West in mind), because she really needs to know what she's getting into. Do you have any other ideas for books I could give her? Sigh. I'm so worried about this whole situation. I'm worried for her soul and the humongous blowup that's going to ensue if I say I can't be in the wedding. I'm sorry, this is a stream of consciousness post, so I might be repeating myself a lot. lol Ahhh...everything is just crazy. If you could please pray that I handle this situation correctly, and that my sister will return to the Church, that would be great.
Oh, I have ANOTHER prayer request! Last night, Boomz and I went to dinner with one of his former colleagues and his wife, and they're having a really hard time with their oldest daughter. She had a baby when she was 18, she's addicted to marijuana, and she may lose custody of her child. It's a really sad situation, especially since her parents had no idea she had a drug problem. Please pray for them!
Mary, Virgin and Mother, pray for us!
Wait, is she planning on getting married in the Church or outside of it?
ReplyDelete5 Love Languages. It's not a catholic book, but we learned about it in our pre-cana class. It definitely is a great resource of how to relate to people (especially in marriage). I give it to all my friends when they get engaged.
ReplyDeleteOh, sorry, I guess I wasn't clear! I'm not sure about if she's planning on getting married in the Church or not. One day she said she wanted to get married in a barn, and another day she wanted to get married in a church, so I'm not sure. She hasn't been to Confession or Mass in a long time, and she disagrees with the Church about a lot of things, so I have no idea what she's going to do.
ReplyDeleteI loved Fulton Sheen's Three to Get Married, but it is a little bit deep! It's amazing though!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to go through something similar when my best friend gets married. And I'm praying, praying, praying for her (and going to beg her) that if she does decide not to get married in the Church she gets the dispensation from the Bishop.
Prayers!
I have just the book! For Better Forever, A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage by Gregory Popcak!!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE THIS BOOK, and I have even given it as a wedding gift. Dr. Popcak is incredibly solid in his Catholic theology, and he even incorporates humor into the book. It is a great read, and it covers all the bases from contraception to communication, and it is all done on a level that is easy to read.
I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. :) I will keep your sister and you friends' daughter in my prayers!
oh and when I say he covers contraception, I mean he covers why not to use contraception, why the Church teaches that it is wrong, and why natural family planning is the way to go. :)
ReplyDeleteWow! :) Thank you all so much for the suggestions! You ladies are so great! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is why I asked about whether or not she was going to get married in the Church. If she does not, then yes, I would say that you shouldn't be in her wedding or even attend her wedding, because you'd basically be supporting her "self-excommunication" from the Church and her sacraments. However, if she does marry within the Church, you could be in the wedding, despite their presumably sinful relationship before marriage. By attending (or being in the wedding party) you would be supporting their marriage, NOT their previous lifestyle. I just wanted to clarify before you decide you "can't attend" but really, you maybe can (and should!)
ReplyDeleteJust my thoughts.
I second Fulton Sheen, though it's very Catholic. I also really like By Love Refined by Alice Von Hildebrand--she's Catholic, but it's not an extremely in-your-face or heavy book (but full of good thoughts on marriage and two becoming one). I also like Mike Mason's the Mystery of Marriage. I have a lot of Protestant friends and these are the two books I give to them (if I know the bride well enough). Neither give the "full picture" from the Catholic perspective, but don't say anything that goes against Church teaching even if the particular couple doesn't care about following it. Both really uphold the beauty and seriousness of marriage and the marital act.
ReplyDeleteDO talk to your sister as much as possible. The hubby's little sister got married very young as well, without faith formation and with the idea that marriage "fixes everything" and he never spoke up and never tried to see if she really "got it". Long story short, they filed for divorce about a year after they were married. I'm sure there are many reasons for this but we couldn't help conclude that they had NO IDEA what marriage was to begin with and that all could have been avoided. At least you'll have your conscious a little clearer if you try to explain it to her.
ReplyDelete