Sunday, November 21, 2010

Babies are Everywhere.

Last night, my husband and I (I feel like I start a lot of sentences like that. lol) went to Ol.ive Gard.en to celebrate his brother's 30th birthday.  His brother's two-year-old, L, was there, whom I absolutely adore.  :)  I couldn't get enough of watching her!  I hope that doesn't sound creepy. lol  I just loved watching her little mannerisms-she has such a big personality!  I kept thinking, "I wonder if this is what it will be like if I have children.  Will I love watching my child's face as much as I love looking at her's?  Or will I just get used to it?".  However, as much I love spending time with my niece, every time I'm with her the ache inside gets worse.  Last night, it was very, very bad.  Babies were EVERYWHERE in that restaurant.  Seriously every table around us had at least one baby or toddler.  The ache for a child got so bad it physically hurt, and I was having a very hard time holding it together.  I ended up being fine, I mean, I just put on a happy face and tried to talk a lot. lol

I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with the fact that I don't know WHY I'm infertile.  My doctor keeps telling me that she wants to get me cycling normally and then she'll think about Cl.omid and other fertility drugs, but how can she best treat me if she doesn't know WHY I'm all screwed up?  This didn't really start bothering me until a couple of weeks ago, because I've just been so excited that SOMETHING was being done, instead of just being wrote off.  I mean, I would like to just KNOW if I'm in early menopause, so I know if I have any hope at all of conceiving.   I have an appointment in 2 and a half weeks, so I plan on voicing my frustrations. :)


  1. Feel the same way too ;( but it would be better if you really do voice out what's on your mind. Hang on there, stay patient and strong. God Bless.

  2. Praying for you! Maybe you mentioned this...have you had your FSH tested? Were your levels high? That would be the first indicator of POI. I hope you find more out at your appt.!

  3. My levels were 151 the first time and 165 the second time, which my doctor said is high even for a menopausal woman. The last time I had it tested was in January, so I'm due for another! lol