I don't pray much about my infertility.
I feel so ashamed saying that after reading so many inspiring IF blogs and seeing how faithful you all are, but I can't bring myself to pray about my IF much. Every once and awhile (most often during Mass), I say to the Lord or His Blessed Mother, "Please let me have a baby", but that's about as far as I get. I don't pray novenas to have a baby (I started one once and gave up), or rosaries, or Divine Mercy Chaplets. I pray all of these things for other intentions, but never for my IF.
I've been thinking about the WHY behind all of this lately, and I think it comes down to a few things: lack of faith, hope, and trust. Deep down, I don't believe and trust that God will bless me with a child. I'm constantly afraid of getting my hopes up and getting disappointed, and for some reason I equate praying with getting my hopes up. Sigh. I have so little faith.
(Just a quick disclaimer: I want a baby more than anything. Please don't equate my lack of prayer with a lack of desire...I'm just scared)
I'm going to try to force myself to pray about my IF this year. Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband to keep me accountable! :)
You too! I just felt like I had to accept God's Will in this area of my life. I am not kidding when I say that one of the only prayers about IF I ever did was ask my HUSBAND to PRAY for US because I thought his prayers would be heard while mine....
ReplyDeleteSometimes, when hope is the hardest thing in the world to muster up for ourselves we have to ask OTHERS to be hopeful FOR US.
I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY what you are expressing.
EXACTLY~
I think it is totally ok to ask others to pray for you, even when you can't pray for yourself. Before my lap at PPVI, I emailed a bunch of religious orders via their websites and asked them to pray that we would be able to have a baby.
ReplyDeleteI would understand if this is completely what you don't want to hear, but I think the best prayer would be along the lines: God, please bless my husband and I with your gift of a child and if that is not your will for me right now, give me the grace to accept it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not saying it is an easy prayer. But maybe it will be easier to pray in that you know you can get your hopes up that God will answer you one way or another. And if you still find it difficult to pray, tell Him that and ask Him to help you pray.
May God be close to you during this difficult time.