Bridesmaids Dress Shopping and Bitterness

I'm warning you in advance, this post is going to show the ugly side of me. :( And it's a very long post.  Sorry.


This past weekend I went bridesmaid dress shopping with my sister, my mother, and what seemed like a bajillion of my sister's friends.  I had the option of staying home and just sending in my measurements, but I felt that I should go since I'm the Matron of Honor, and because I wanted to be there to object if my sister decided on something immodest.


It was an experience, let me tell ya. lol


When I walked in, I was extremely overwhelmed.  There were seven "little" girls (the youngest bridesmaid is 12 and the others are 18-19.  My sister's only 19.) giggling and talking very loudly in a very small room. My sister tried on her wedding dress (which is gorgeous), and then my mother took my veil out from a bag.  I keep my wedding dress and veil at my parents' house because we seriously have NO ROOM in our closets.  Anyway, I'm ashamed to say that I lost my temper with my mother.  My veil was all crumpled up, which annoyed me, and I said, "Oh, is she wearing my veil, then?  Thanks for asking."  Ugh, it was such a bratty thing to say, but I was annoyed to see my very expensive veil crumpled up in the bottom of a bag and that my mother just assumed my sister would be wearing my veil (see how prideful I am?).  My mother insisted that she had asked me, and I insisted that I didn't remember that conversation, and everyone got really quiet, and my mother said, "Good job.  You just made a fool of yourself."  Ugh...I felt awful about my behavior and I was furious about everything all at the same time.  I apologized for my behavior and said my sister could try it on, and my mom got all passive-aggressive and said, "Nope.  Nope.  Don't worry about it," and threw my veil back into the bag. Sigh.


I tried to put the situation behind me (I hate having people mad at me, so it was hard) and tried on a few dresses.  I rode back to my parents' house with my mother, sister, and all of my sister's friends, and I was scandalized.  I must be incredibly naive about what life is like outside of our "little Catholic bubble" ;), because I couldn't believe the kinds of conversations I was hearing.  F bombs were flying all over the place, everybody was talking about how stupid everyone else was, how drunk they were at which parties, which of their friends is in jail, and who got in whose pants while they were in grade/high school.  I mean, holy crap!  Even before my conversion, I didn't talk like that (which is because of God's grace, not because of any merit of my own, obviously).  And my mother was sitting RIGHT THERE, not saying a thing.  Which leads me to the bitterness part of the post. 


When I was growing up, my parents were pretty strict with me.  I wasn't allowed to say butt or stupid for a long time, let alone curse, or listen to the rap music station.  When I came home from school, I had to sit at the kitchen counter right away and do my homework before I could do anything else.  The TV in my room had to be off at 9:30, and I wasn't allowed to watch certain cartoons.  I was terribly afraid of disappointing my parents, and I worked hard to get good grades.  I didn't really have any faith formation other than CCD, but I was taught to at least be a good person and to treat others how I'd like to be treated.  However, my parents don't parent this way with my brother and sister, and it makes me very, very angry.  


When my sister was 12, she became anorexic and almost died (she got down to 73 lbs), and after that my parents were afraid to ever say no to her.  I understand.  They didn't want to cause her to relapse.  This style of parenting has spilled over to my 14 year old brother.  My mother lets him do whatever he wants. He has an x.box, laptop, and tv in his room, which she lets him play whenever he wants.  When I come home, I don't see him because he's up in his room, and when I do see him, he can't wait to be upstairs.  He's been caught watching por.nography, and my parents haven't done anything.  Boomz has offered to set up the wireless so that it shuts off at a certain time so that my brother doesn't stay up all hours, but they won't let him.  My father tries to discipline as much as he can, but my mom contradicts him and tells him to back off.  I have so, so much anger toward my mother because my father is trying to do the right thing, but she won't let him!  She's constantly criticizing and emasculating him, and I HATE it.  I want to scream at her sometimes.  My siblings' souls are at stake, and they aren't doing ANYTHING.


Sigh.  I'm sorry this post is all over the place.  I'm just so angry, I had to get a little bit out.  I'll probably end up deleting this post later.