Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Yet another one of my friends is pregnant.  They just got married in December.  They're due in October.  Sigh.

I feel like such a horrible person because I don't feel happy for them.  Seriously, almost all of my friends got married this past year (two of them are getting married this year), and almost all of them are pregnant.  I'm so sad and angry and I want to throw things, and the fact that I'm having those feelings over God bringing new life into the world makes me sad and angry and want to throw things. 

Instead, I'm drinking a rum and coke and eating chocolate chip cookies. :)


  1. Hey, I wish I could come over to your house and share the rum and chocolate chip cookies!

    Look, are you a bad person? No! You are a very human person who is hurting from carrying a very, very hard cross.

    The thing is that we Catholics aren't allowed to stay "human"-- we're supposed to get to supernatural charity. You can't get there on your own. You can't "fake it". But you can ask someone to give you more love and peace in your heart--God!


    I had a totally different cross, but very similar feelings. All of my daughter's NICU roommates that came in around the same time as us, LEFT the NICU with healthy babies while my own daughter Tess was still terribly, terribly sick. I made myself walk down to each room to say "Congratulations!" and goodbye to each of our friends. During the walk during the long NICU corridors, I felt physically nauseous with jealousy and anger. I truly felt like it was NEVER going to be our turn to take a healthy baby out of the NICU. Yet, I trusted that God was going to put civil words in my mouth and kindness in my heart. It wasn't a comfortable conversation to have with my friends, but I did it, and felt so much better after the deed was done.

    If I can do it, anyone can! Especially, a dear from of St. John of the Cross.

    Hugs and prayers!

  2. I'm so sorry!!!
    Ugh...this is another part of IF that sucks.
    Real bad.

    Thinking of you and hoping that rum and coke and those cookies help you out!

  3. So sorry. :( I spent a decade watching friends and family walk down the aisle, get pregnant etc. It can be very painful. :(

  4. This is so so hard; I'm so sorry you're going through this. The loneliness and isolation was always the worst part for me. It helped me to think that God chose me for something special, even though I didn't understand exactly. Hold fast to God, Boomz...and the rum and coke. ;)

  5. Argh!! So sorry, I hate that this happens. I have found that throwing things sometimes does help ;) But of course so does rum and coke,..

  6. I have never had rum and coke. I need to try it. You are handling it perfectly. UGH. UGH.

    Praying for you TODAY in a special way.

  7. And, Abigail, Wow...what comment. You are my hero now.

  8. Thank you all so, so much! I've congratulated her and I'm trying to be happy for her. :) Again, thank you so, so much. You all are so wonderful!