Sigh.

Two pregnancy announcements yesterday. 

One was from a friend (not a very close friend. Boomz and I went to the same church with her in college and we were involved in the same parish functions and things) who's been married less than a year, and another from my cousin's wife.  I'm not feeling so sad about the second one, because they've been married for a few years and have miscarried previously, but it just hurt hearing it on top of the first one.  

I'm officially the only one of our "church group" who has been married in the last two years who isn't pregnant.  And I probably never WILL be pregnant.  I hope this doesn't make you PCOS or endo girls angry, but sometimes I wish I had what you have.  That way, I could have surgery and maybe have some hope from cycle to cycle.  I have zero hope of becoming pregnant with FSH levels at 153.  Please don't be angry with me, PCOS/endo gals!  I just wish I knew why I'm infertile, WHY I have the levels of a menopausal woman at the age of 22. 

I didn't cry upon hearing the announcements, surprisingly.  I just pushed all of my nasty thoughts out of my head and tried to distract myself with blogs and books.  I suspect I'll cry in a couple weeks when I see them all at a wedding, though.  

I wish I could be happy for my friends when I find out they're pregnant.  Instead, my heart instantly sinks.  I feel like a horrible person.  Next time I get to Confession, I'm going to talk to a priest about it.  

I'm sorry this is such an all-over-the-place downer of a post, but it's also a very honest one.  Maybe later today I'll write about things happening in my spiritual life and about a really weird dream I had last night. :)  That'll be happier! :)