This is an angry/sad post; just a warning!
A couple of weeks ago, Boomz and I went to see Dr. Jan.et Smi.th give her Contra.ception, Wh.y No.t presentation at the college we went to. Before the talk, some people that I haven't seen in awhile approached me and started asking me what I'm doing nowadays, and somehow children were brought up (maybe I brought up the little boy I babysit for? I can't remember), and this acquaintance said, "You should be expecting your own little one soon!"
What do I say to that, especially to a male acquaintance who I never really see? "Why, yes, yes I SHOULD be expecting my own little one, but, unfortunately I'm as barren as a brick! Thanks for reminding me!"
I ended up just saying something like, "Well, we're having a little trouble in that area, so please pray for us!"
Then, DURING the talk, the good doctor kept talking about how men are more attracted to women when they're fertile. I know that's probably true, and I know this wasn't her intention, but it made me feel like crap. It made me think that I'm never truly attractive to my husband because I'm never fertile. My husband assured me that he finds me attractive, but I can't help but think I'm not desirable on that physiological level.
The weekend after that, I went to my friend's bachelorette party, where, of course, NFP and pregnancy were brought up, especially since a million of our friends are pregnant. I don't remember how we started talking about me, but I ended up having to admit to a couple of friends sitting with me on the couch that I'm infertile. One of them implied that I should just do arti.ficial insemin.ation, which surprised me because she's a practicing Catholic. I told her that that's against Church teaching, but I'm going to do everything I can that the Church allows. She has since texted/emailed me, saying that she hasn't been able to stop thinking about my "situation" and that it doesn't seem fair that I'm IF, and did some research and sent me some links! I thought that was so thoughtful and I really, really appreciate it. Does anybody know of a correlation between IF and melatonin levels? Because that's what her links suggest.
While I was at the party, my husband was visiting with our spiritual mother, M.A. She told Boomz a story about one of our friends who's pregnant that really, really made us angry. She's very, very concerned with something being "wrong" with the baby for some reason, so she's having more ultrasounds than necessary. M.A. asked her if she's taking any vitamins or supplements that help during pregnancy, and she said, "No, I don't like taking pills."
You don't want to take pills that will help you have a healthy pregnancy, but I have to take a million pills a day just so I CAN HAVE THE POSSIBILITY TO GET PREGNANT! Just to have the POSSIBILITY. Do you realize the HELL I've been through to even get a tentative diagnosis, only to find out that I'll NEVER have children? And you don't want to take a couple of PILLS? (Disclaimer: I know I haven't had to go through as much as many of you. I haven't had surgery or anything like that. You women are all amazing!)
In three weeks, I'll have to go to my friend's wedding (the one whose party I went to), and I'll have to see this pregnant woman. Please, please pray for me, so that I'll be able to talk to her and not avoid her all night!