Thursday, July 28, 2011

Pity Party

I'm sorry I've been such a bad blogger lately! Things have been a little crazy around here. Hopefully I'll post more about that later.

No news on the IF front. I had a strange cycle this month. It was about nine days long and very light, which makes me think I won't have one next month. My body isn't cycling naturally, anyway (at least I don't think so). If I didn't have to take the estrodial and prometrium for my early menopausal bones, I wouldn't so that I wouldn't have to have periods. lol

I'm getting pretty down about my overall health. My hair is still falling out like crazy (it seems even worse than before, but I could be imagining things), my left eye feels really weird (I'm not even going to try to describe it lol), and I have an almost constant toothache. I went to the dentist about my tooth, who said it's just sensitivity, but it still really hurts. I have an eye doctor appointment on Tuesday...hopefully I get some answers. My brain feels like it's in a fog most of the time. I'll try to make conversation with people, and I have a hard time understand what they're saying and end up looking like an idiot. It's frustrating and a little scary.

My NaPro doctor referred me to an endocrinologist, since she can't figure out why my FSH is 153, which is high even for a menopausal woman. However, the endocrinologist refused to see me until I saw a "reproductive specialist". There are some reproductive specialists in the area, but they do IVF/IUI stuff, and they gave me the creeps. I'm pretty sure they'd just try to force IVF on me anyway, instead of trying to figure out what's wrong with me. None of the doctors I've ever been to has been able to figure me out. I've basically given up hope of ever being "fixed". I'm so bitter about it all...the "Why ME?!" thought and feelings come up almost everyday. Why does MY body have to act like a 60-year-old? The worst part of it all is seeing my husband go through all of this with me. I feel so guilty. He tells me all the time that it's not my fault and it's unreasonable to feel that way, but I can't help it. 



  1. The reproductive specialist might try to push IVF but I think it might be worth a visit. Tell them IVF is simply not an option but you want to know what is going on. You might end up having to staple a sign crossing out IVF to their forehead but maybe you will get some answers. Sorry things are so difficult right now. Praying for you.

  2. I am so sorry you are going through this. :( I am praying you can find the answers you need.

  3. I hope and pray that this time of sadness passes!

  4. I am sorry to read about your struggles. A Napro friend of mine had a lot of hair falling out, too (A LOT)... And the discovered she was extremely low in vit D and ferritin... have you had those levels checked?

    Sending hugs!