I love how cranky my husband is in the morning! I'm a morning person, so his grogginess and hatred of everything when he wakes up is endlessly amusing to me. I think it's SO CUTE!
I also love how he listens to all my insane fears and worries (such as rats living in the couch ) and ends up making me laugh about them. :) He's so wonderful! I'm so blessed!
-Could you please pray for my grandpa and my dad? My grandpa is in the hospital with pneumonia and my dad was supposed to have hernia surgery today but couldn't because they found something wrong with his EKG. They don't know what's wrong yet, but they're going to do more tests.
-I can FEEL AF coming on. I'm super mood swing-y and fatigued (although that's not much different from most days. I really should ask Sew about that.) and it's CD 30...ugh. I'm trying to keep my hopes up without...getting my hopes up. lol It's not working.
-I just realized today that if people ever wanted to use my blog "initials" (like TCIE, for example) they would be GAS. lol Yep.
I HATE the time after peak day and before CD1. I'm just waiting and waiting for CD1 to come around or...for it to NOT come around. lol This cycle has been my most promising ever (a normal CM buildup and a real peak day)...so I secretly really have my hopes up. Sigh. I can't help but feel I'll just be disappointed here in a few days.
So...Boomz (that's my husband. He insists I call him something fun on here so I'm using his high school nickname. lol I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep that up.) and I are visiting friends in Indianapolis. A couple of nights ago we went to Ou.tback Steakh.ouse with some of his college friends that we haven't seen in months. Well, DH and I were kind of dreading this because we pretty much have NOTHING in common with these people. We're the only Catholics in the group and they're...well...hippies. lol The one girl, B, just decided to become a vegetarian unless she knows the animals were treated well (of course then I felt awkward that I picked a steakhouse to eat at!) and is growing her hair out to get dreadlocks. Well...at some point during the conversation turned to things that make B pass out, and one of them is childbirth. Not seeing pictures or videos or anything, just hearing it being described. She then proceeded to say that she's not having kids (she just got married in June) because childbirth is gross. They plan on adopting. My husband and I didn't say much of anything, but we were super offended...I mean here is this perfectly healthy woman who can have children easily (as far as we know) and is choosing not to because it's gross. Sigh.
Then yesterday, as we were laying around the house, I came across a show on TV called "70 and Pregnant". It was about women in their late 50's to early 70's who were using IVF to get pregnant. One lady tried IVF 2 times previously before it worked, and then she got pregnant with twins, one of whom she miscarried. Another lady had TEN CHILDREN in her two previous marriages and still had two other babies when she was in her late 50's with her third husband (using IVF obviously). Selfishness just abounded throughout the whole episode...and my heart broke for the babies who might not have their mothers around for very long...
I figured I should probably write about my fertility history since all the great IF blogs have one. Eventually (once I figure out how to do linky things), I'll have a button or something on the side linking to this post...I'm so technologically challenged! lol
-Started cycling when I was 12. AF super heavy and long and not regular at all. Was told that they might be this way for 2 years or so. -When I was 16 I started having hot flashes and scary pressure in my chest. Went to the doctor and was told I have acid reflux disease. Skip period for 3 months in a row that year. -Symptoms continue throughout the next year. Skip period for 3 months again. Go to a nurse practioner who puts me on the Pill. -Freshman year of college. Gain a ton of weight while on the Pill. Have a reversion experience and stop taking the Pill. Hot flashes continue. -I kind of lose track of what my cycles did around this time since I was so busy with school and church things...I think I skipped a period here and there but wasn't too concerned. -Sophomore year. Convinced I have a religious vocation so I stop caring about my cycles even though they were getting shorter and lighter and skipping months. -Enter convent at age 20 (this will probably be a topic of a post later on lol). Skip periods now and then, but hot flashes so bad that I almost pass out during prayers. Go to the doctor who takes bloodwork even though she's convinced I only have an anxiety disorder. Get a call a week later saying that my FSH levels were 151 and that "something was wrong with my ovaries." -Health getting worse and worse. Discern I don't have a religious vocation and leave the convent. See my family doctor who tells me I'm in early menopause or have a tumor on my pituitary gland. Completely freak out. -See an endocrinologist who tells me I'm "perfectly normal" and is sure I'll be able to have children. Tells me to gain weight to increase estrogen levels. -Get engaged to a man I dated pre-convent (this is months after I left). Periods still unpredictable. -Move closer to fiance (we were 3.5 hrs apart before). Skip periods for 7 months (August-February). Convinced I won't be able to have children. Start NFP ("ovulation method") classes that December and am thoroughly confused because I never have any of the types of CM they're talking about. -Go see a NaPro doctor recommended by NFP teachers. Get tons of bloodwork done at a local hospital. Don't hear results for THREE MONTHS. -FSH 165. Estrogen and progesterone levels low. Thyroid is normal. -Start period in March!!!!! :) :) :) -Go see NaPro doctor again. Get put on natural estrogen and progesterone and told to chart as best I can. -Get married April 10!!!! :D AF decides to visit during the honeymoon. :( -NaPro doctor doesn't understand my charting and says she needs more information to see if the treatment is working. Start Creighton classes in August. -1st cycle with Creighton model is crazy. Spotting all over the place (never had before). -2nd cycle also crazy. Have "PC" CM pretty much the entire time. Have tacky CM for one day. Post-luteal phase is only 6 days long.
This is my 3rd cycle with Creighton, and things are looking a little better now! :) I had a pretty good mucus buildup this cycle, although my peak day was into Week 4, which is kind of disconcerting to me.
This past weekend my husband and I went to my hometown for my cousin's wedding. It was...interesting! :) R and I had been dreading this for a long time. I know that sounds awful, but my family doesn't really have the Catholic understanding of marriage and we just KNEW things were going to be awkward. You see, my cousin and his new wife had been living together for a long time now and have a son, but they finally decided to tie the knot. I felt weird on so many levels throughout the Mass...First of all, I hadn't been to a Novus Ordo Mass since July (my husband and I prefer the Traditional Latin Mass, but we of course realize the Novus Ordo is still valid. We aren't THAT crazy! ;) ), so it was kind of different for me. Also, they had secular music, which definitely isn't allowed. Oh, and suddenly nobody knew the responses or when to sit or stand or kneel. Twice, my husband and I were the only ones standing during the appropriate times until the priest gestured to do so. But the most disconcerting thing was the obvious lack of joy throughout the whole thing. The bride and groom didn't really smile, and it just felt super forced. You could tell in the minds of everyone it was merely a formality. Honestly, it was really, really sad.
The meal was supposed to start at 5:30, but the bridal party didn't show up until 6:15 (it's an unfortunate tradition in my area that the bridal party go "bar hopping" in between the Mass and the reception). During the best man's speech he said, "If you can handle having a kid, you can handle a little thing like marriage.". My heart just broke when he said that...nobody understands the sanctity of marriage anymore. :( Dancing didn't start until 8:45!!!! Everyone was literally standing around and just...waiting. While we were waiting, however, I had a chance to talk with my ex-boyfriend. Yep...the guy I dated for most of my high school career was at this wedding with his fiance. I felt pretty awkward about it because I hadn't talked to him in a couple years, but he came up to me and met my husband and we talked for a good 40 minutes! We just kind of caught up and talked about old times a little bit and we were having a good time when his fiance's friend came up to him. She said that his fiance was sitting in a corner and "couldn't handle" to me. He looked really upset but went over to her to make things up. She's the reason I hadn't talked to him in 2 or 3 years. ;) I was pretty darn annoyed with this because, HELLO, I was standing there WITH MY HUSBAND. I've obviously moved on. lol
One good thing about the night: I got to see my dad dance. :D He has absolutely no rythym, but that doesn't stop him! He was the life of the party! Everyone was dancing around him while he did the most hilarious moves...oh my goodness I wish I had taken pictures!
P.S. Sorry if this is super choppy. We're visiting friends in Indianapolis and we're being bad and staying up late since we have no obligations in the morning! :)
A few days ago I was so excited about having my first 10KL CM ever (!!!!!) that I posted on my faceb.ook: "...loves the Creighton model so much! It's so much better than regular NFP!". Now, I figured this would spark some discussion because pretty much all my friends from college are practicing Catholics and almost all of them got married or engaged this summer. I never expected it to spark 25 COMMENTS! lol That never happens to me. Most of them are just curious about Creighton and one friend agreed with me (Yay!), but one person who was recently trained to teach NFP took it upon himself to put me in my place. He says:
Scientifically speaking what the Creighton model is doing is eliminating one of the signs. This can be helpful in countries where thermometers are not used or in situations where it is difficult to track temperatures. However since you el...iminate one of the signs it becomes less accurate and because quite problematic for women without consistent CM. The real thing you lose with the Creighton is the confirmation that ovulation has occurred which is only measurable by the temperature. If CM were the only guide then delayed ovulation, although possible to track, would be far less detectable.
This is going to sound awful of me, but honestly all I could think was, "Blah, blah, blah." :) I want to say, "If sympto-thermal is more scientific, why does Dr. Hilgers and all the NaPro doctors use Creighton?." And he wrote two more comments within 2 minutes of his first comment! I really don't know why I'm so frustrated with his comment...I think it just came off as very condescending. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive. :)
In other news, Friday was my husband's last day at work. He starts a new job on November 1! :) This is very scary and exciting for us...his new job has less security but will provide more opportunities for learning and networking. When R quit his job he said, "Well, this is definitely an opportunity to trust!", and it's so true. Some days when I start to worry (about health insurance, for example), I try to repeat over and over, "Jesus, I trust in You!". More often than not, though, I just end up freaking out and texting my husband or waiting until he comes home and attacking him with shrill questions. lol Sigh. I have so far to go!
I want this to be my place to vent about infertility, write about the Church...and pretty much everything else on my mind. :)
A few warnings: 1) I'm not a writer. There are going to be a ton of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes; and I'm not particularly eloquent. If those things bother you, I'm sorry!
2) If talk of All Things Fertility grosses you out...this might not be the place for you! 3) I'm 100% Catholic and totally devoted to Her teachings. If that offends you, you can just go on your merry way (or stay and learn something!).
Wow. I sound like a really mean person! I promise I'm not! :)
