A Couple of Questions for You :)

Boomz and I are looking into buying a house, which means we can finally buy the dog we've been longing for for over a year now!  The only thing is...we can't agree on a breed to save our lives. lol We both prefer larger dogs (with Cavalier King Charles Spaniels being the exception for me!), but all of the big dogs I like drool like crazy. I just don't know if I could handle having dog drool all over everything! Boomz said he wouldn't mind having a not-giant dog, but it can't bark or shed that much, and it must have a big head. lol  Yes, you read that right. Boomz likes "stocky dogs". We also don't want a crazy-hyper dog that we can't leave alone in the house. So, all you dog-owners out there, what kind of dog do you have and why do you love it (or not love it lol)? :) Maybe this will help Boomz and I decide what kind of dog to get. :)

I've been thirsting for some good spiritual reading lately. Do any of you have any suggestions? :) I especially love saint biographies-autobiographies are even better! I want to re-read St. Teresa of Avila's Vida, but there are so many different translators and I'm not sure which one is best. Do I get the easy-to-understand version or the most literal translation? Any advice for me fellow Carmelite-lovers? lol

Thanks in advance! :)

Wedding Weekend Update!

First, thank you all so, so much for your comments on my last post.  They were such a comfort to me! Thank you so much! :)

My friends' wedding this weekend was wonderful! Boomz and I arrived at the hotel the night before the wedding (so we wouldn't have to wake up super early and drive 4.5 hours the day of the wedding), and saw several of our friends who were also already there. We all gathered in the hotel lobby for drinks, where, after drinking a rum and coke which was much stronger than I'm used to, I blurted out that I can't have children. I'm now super embarrassed about the way it came out, but I'm glad it's out in the open now. :) I also had wonderful conversations with some of my friends about struggling to find Catholic community now that they're out of college. It made me realize how much I miss my college friends and the conversations we used to have. We may not talk for months at a time, but when we finally see each other we just pick up where we left off. :) 

Before the actual wedding, Boomz and I went to a parish near the hotel run by Dominicans for Confession. :) It was so, so wonderful! I looked behind me and there were Dominican sisters in full habit! My heart leapt a little bit, because I thought they were "my" sisters, but they weren't. :) The priest I went to Confession with was so patient and warm (but not fuzzy!), and I was so happy afterwards. After Confession, we went back to our hotel room to get ready for the wedding.  Before Mass, while Boomz and I were trying to prepare to receive Holy Communion, we had people right behind us talking VERY LOUDLY about their careers. Then, there was the constant mention of children (and rightly so), which made me start sobbing. I cried throughout the whole homily and for a little while afterwards. Fortunately, that was the only breakdown I had that day. UNfortunately, I acted like a brat for several hours after the Mass. I didn't want to talk to anybody right after the Mass because I was still upset, and once we got to our hotel room (there was a couple hours between the Mass and the cocktail hour), I didn't want to leave! I wanted to mope in our huge hotel bed and eat chocolate (which I did, for a little bit lol).  Our friends invited us down to their room before everyone left for the cocktail hour, where I discovered that the run in my hose was now three inches wide and very close to the hem of my dress. Well, I couldn't just enjoy myself and the conversation because I couldn't stop thinking "what-am-I-going-to-do-I-didn't-shave-my-legs-because-I-was-planning-on-wearing-hose-because-of-my-giant-bruise-on-my-shin-and-I-don't-have-time-to-shave-now!", which I repeated out loud a few times, until Boomz decided we'd go to Wa.lmart right before the cocktail hour and buy some new pantyhose. He said there was a store right next to the venue, which turned out to be wrong, which made me throw quite the hissy fit, since I would have to walk around with hairy legs for all to see! I got over it once I started eating some hors d'oeurves and had a little of a rum and coke. :) I was able to talk to my pregnant friends without breaking down, and even made tentative plans to visit one of them sometime soon. :) Nobody made any insensitive comments, and there wasn't too much pregnancy talk (around me, at least!).  Overall, I had a wonderful time, and I'm still feeling blessed by the conversations I had with everybody. :) Thank you for all of your prayers! They're surely the reason I didn't break down more often that night!

I'm sorry this is such a boring post!

Update on My Crazy Life-with advice needed!

I'm such a horrible blogger!  I promise I'm going to get back to regular blogging soon.

First off, my family (including my aunt and cousin) are going to be visiting for a few days, so if you could please pray for me, I'd really appreciate it!  My family is very loving, but they haven't really understood me or my lifestyle since my reversion.

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday with my NaPro doctor to decide whether or not I'm going to take T3.  We decided that I'm not going to take it, because my temps aren't THAT low, and my main concern is with my hair falling out, and T3 doesn't help with that. She also thinks T3 could make me even more "nervous" (her words) than I already am (I didn't realize I was nervous, but apparently I am), and it doesn't always help with fatigue. My doctor said that she thinks my hair is thinning because that's what happens when women go through "the change", but she referred me to an endocrinologist for a more specialized opinion.  I'm also going to get an ultrasound of my thyroid, eventually. 

Basically, she said I'll never be able to have children.  I'm giving up charting-at least for now! She told us to look into adoption and told us stories about family members who adopted. When I was younger, I thought I'd like to adopt someday, so this isn't a new thought for me.  However, Boomz confided in me that he doesn't know if he could ever think of an adopted child as his own.  Do any of you ladies who have adopted have any thoughts on this?  Have any of your husbands thought this way?

CD1 is coming any time now!  My mood swings have been insane, which I'm sure will be fun when I see all my pregnant friends at a wedding this weekend!  Poor Boomz! lol  Please, please pray that I keep a cool head!  I'm sure I'll get lots of comments like, "Oh, it'll be your turn any time now!", and I'm not quite sure what to say.  I think I just want to "put it out there", and tell them I can't have children, so people don't say things like that to me anymore, but I'm not sure if that's rude or not, because I know they have good intentions  What do you think?

Yet Another Prayer Request

My husband just told me that he found out that his friend is in the hospital after an attempted suicide. We don't know many details, except that he tried to poison himself with carbon monoxide by locking himself in his garage with the car running.  His father found him in time, thank the Lord. He's been emotionally unstable this entire school year (he's in college), due to emotional abuse and a ruined reputation by a priest he trusted. Because of his ruined reputation, his best friend chose to believed the lies and spread them around.  He checked himself into the hospital earlier this year when he was tempted toward suicide. What's been done to this poor man is infuriating.  I can't imagine what his father is going through...his other son committed suicide two years ago.  Please pray for all involved!  Thank you!

Sigh.

Two pregnancy announcements yesterday. 

One was from a friend (not a very close friend. Boomz and I went to the same church with her in college and we were involved in the same parish functions and things) who's been married less than a year, and another from my cousin's wife.  I'm not feeling so sad about the second one, because they've been married for a few years and have miscarried previously, but it just hurt hearing it on top of the first one.  

I'm officially the only one of our "church group" who has been married in the last two years who isn't pregnant.  And I probably never WILL be pregnant.  I hope this doesn't make you PCOS or endo girls angry, but sometimes I wish I had what you have.  That way, I could have surgery and maybe have some hope from cycle to cycle.  I have zero hope of becoming pregnant with FSH levels at 153.  Please don't be angry with me, PCOS/endo gals!  I just wish I knew why I'm infertile, WHY I have the levels of a menopausal woman at the age of 22. 

I didn't cry upon hearing the announcements, surprisingly.  I just pushed all of my nasty thoughts out of my head and tried to distract myself with blogs and books.  I suspect I'll cry in a couple weeks when I see them all at a wedding, though.  

I wish I could be happy for my friends when I find out they're pregnant.  Instead, my heart instantly sinks.  I feel like a horrible person.  Next time I get to Confession, I'm going to talk to a priest about it.  

I'm sorry this is such an all-over-the-place downer of a post, but it's also a very honest one.  Maybe later today I'll write about things happening in my spiritual life and about a really weird dream I had last night. :)  That'll be happier! :)

A Blogger's Giveaway!

Cam from A Woman's Place... (one of my favorite bloggers!) is having a headcovering giveaway!  You should check it out-along with the rest of her wonderful products!  Her saint dolls are particularly adorable.

Also-click on the Circ.le of Mo.ms button on the side of her blog and vote for her! :)  There's a bunch of pagan blogs winning right now, but I'd love to see a solid Catholic blogger win! :)

Things on my mind :)

1) First, I have a few prayer requests (I feel bad that I'm always asking you for prayers...).  My 75 year old grandpa is having some health issues that are scaring all of us.  He's having stroke-like symptoms, but the doctors can't figure out what's wrong with him.  He follows my grandma around everywhere because he's so scared something else is going to happen.  :(  Please pray for him!


I've had a cold this week that is totally kicking my butt.  I had a fever all day on Wednesday that wouldn't go away no matter what I took, and my ears and throat hurt me so badly that I was in tears earlier (I'm such a wimp!).  My ears are really what's worrying me, because they've been bothering me for a year and a half now.  I've got fluid behind my eardrum in my left ear, and I've told my doctor a million times, but she just gives me some allergy medicine that's supposed to "dry me up", but it never, ever works.  I can't go to a different doctor for a few days yet due to insurance craziness, but it worries me how often and how much they hurt. :(  Could you please pray for healing for my ears?  Also, my family is visiting this weekend, so if you could pray that their visit goes well, I'd truly appreciate it!


2) I've been insanely emotional lately.  My husband and I were listening to random love songs last night, and I requested "Sh.e's Ev.erything" by Br.ad Paisley, and then I cried (hard!) through the whole song!  Then, right before bed, I started crying again and I didn't even know why!  What is happening to me?! lol  I can't blame AF, because she's come and gone...hmmm....


3) For a while now Boomz and I have been feeling as if our lives are on hold.  Boomz is unhappy and restless with his job, and would really love to work for the Church somehow.  However, he doesn't have a degree in anything Church-y, and he would like to get his master's degree in theology, but we already have a massive amount of student loan debt.  He's also been thinking about opening a coffee shop with his friends in India.napolis, which makes me inwardly freak out every time I hear him talking on the phone about it.  I'm afraid I'm not being a very supportive wife about this dream of his (again, when I realize this, it makes me cry), because I think about how much more debt we would accrue, and how that would make adoption impossible for even longer than it is now.  Boomz could be happy in Indy (and he's not happy here), because he has friends there, but I would probably be miserable because 1) I am NOT a city girl.  I've lived in small towns my whole life, and I love them.  and 2) I would be far away from any family.  I'm already far away from my own family, but moving to Indy would move us away from my in-laws, whom I love dearly. 


I also have no idea what to do with my life.  I feel like I can't stay home (as much as I love it!) for forever, but I don't know what else to do.  I didn't finish my degree before we were married because I "just want to be a wife and mother", and despite all of my fertility issues pre-marriage, I still thought that I would get pregnant eventually.  I suppose I could finish my history degree, but, again, we'd be accruing more debt.  I'm not really "good" at anything, or passionate about anything except for the Church.  I love learning and talking about Her!  Sigh.  I just have to trust that God's will is good.  Now I just have to figure out what it is. lol