CD 36

Today's CD36...

My cycles are usually around 35 days long, and I've been trying all day to NOT get my hopes up.  Thank goodness I squashed what little hope I had for this cycle, because I am now having cramps.  UGH!

I'm extremely confused about this cycle anyway, because I had ten days of fertile CM.  That's not normal, right?  I also just had 6C/K on CD33, which is...odd.  It definitely wasn't SF, although that's what my doctor will probably say.  Has anyone else ever experienced CM that late in their cycle?  I would love to hear what the IF Brain Trust thinks about this! :)

P.S.  After writing this post, I realized that I've been a Negative Nelly on here lately!  I promise I'm going to write something happy in the next few days! :) 

Snow!

Inspired by Faith Makes Things Possible's post, I've decided to post a snow picture of my own. :)

See that giant mound of snow on the left?  Yeah, that's my car. lol  What you see on and surrounding my car is about two days worth of snow.  We've already had two giant snow storms (we're talking four feet of snow) this winter, and there will probably be more. :(   Oh well, at least it's pretty! :)

...

I just found out ANOTHER friend is pregnant.  That's three in less than a month. 


Sigh. 

I have a confession to make

I don't pray much about my infertility.


I feel so ashamed saying that after reading so many inspiring IF blogs and seeing how faithful you all are, but I can't bring myself to pray about my IF much.  Every once and awhile (most often during Mass), I say to the Lord or His Blessed Mother, "Please let me have a baby", but that's about as far as I get.  I don't pray novenas to have a baby (I started one once and gave up), or rosaries, or Divine Mercy Chaplets.  I pray all of these things for other intentions, but never for my IF.


I've been thinking about the WHY behind all of this lately, and I think it comes down to a few things: lack of faith, hope, and trust.  Deep down, I don't believe and trust that God will bless me with a child.  I'm constantly afraid of getting my hopes up and getting disappointed, and for some reason I equate praying with getting my hopes up.  Sigh.  I have so little faith.  


(Just a quick disclaimer: I want a baby more than anything.  Please don't equate my lack of prayer with a lack of desire...I'm just scared)


I'm going to try to force myself to pray about my IF this year.  Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband to keep me accountable! :) 

Oh, the situations I get myself into...

Remember my friend that I wrote about a couple of posts ago?  The one that got pregnant on their honeymoon and I was having a hard time congratulating?  Well, I finally congratulated her (I'm genuinely happy for her now), and I later commented on a post she wrote about how she hates birth control commercials.  It led to talk about what we're up to these days, and then...she asked if we could get together for prayer sometime.  


I know it's not that big of a deal, but I don't know this girl very well (we were on a retreat team together and went to the same parish in college, but that's about it), AND she's pregnant, so I don't really WANT to hang out with her.  I hope that doesn't sound mean.  I just feel like it'd be super awkward.  I just don't know how to say no to people, plus I think she's really lonely.  I'm the only person from college that's in her area.  So...I don't know what to do.  What do you all think?

Books I Got for Christmas!

This Christmas, I received A LOT of wonderful books, so I thought I'd share some with you!  I'm super excited about reading them. :)  I was planning on putting pictures of the books on here, but I can't seem to find the right ones. :(  Sorry!


Kristin Lavransdatter by Sigr.id Un.dset and translated by Tina Nunn.ally
I: The Wreath
II: The Wife


I CONSUMED these books within 5 days of getting them.  Seriously, they are SO good.  Kristin is one of the most "real" characters I've ever "met". Though she is a huge sinner, I love her and I'm going to be very sad to say goodbye to her.  I only got the first two books in the series, but I can't wait to buy the third!  Thank you, Leila, for writing about these books!  You got me so interested that I asked for them for Christmas! :)


The Secret Diary of Elisabeth Leseur and Elisabeth Leseur Selected Writings 


I got these from Boomz, in honor of my patron saint of this year! :)  


The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis


I've finished The Magician's Nephew yesterday (that honestly might be my favorite one), and now I'm in the middle of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe.  :)  I'll never get too old for these books. 


The Power of a Praying Wife 


I was inspired by Heart of St. Monica to ask for this book for Christmas! :)  I can't wait to start reading it!



Did any of you receive some good books for Christmas? :) 

It's been FOREVER

I feel like it's been forever since I've blogged properly!  Ay, ay, ay!  I've missed you girls!


Things have been a bit crazy for Boomz and I these last couple of weeks.  We traveled to my parents' house for Christmas and were there a couple of days, then a friend stayed with us for two more days, and the day he left we went to stay with some friends in Indianapolis to celebrate the New Year.  We just got back, and I am SO happy to be home.  The stay in Indy was...interesting.  Sigh.  I don't even know where to begin...so I won't. lol  I hope everyone's New Year's celebrations were fun and safe! :)


In Health News, I've been having awesome CM lately! :)  10KL all over the place, which makes me happy since I never have fertile CM!  I'm wondering if my (TMI warning!) va.ginal discharge was messing with my cycles, because my CM starting showing up when my discharge was clearing up.  However, the stupid stuff is back, and I am very frustrated.  I'm going to call my doctor on Tuesday and see what she says.  


I found out on New Year's Eve (or maybe New Year's Day...the days all blended together while we were in Indy) that one of my friends is 15 weeks pregnant.  They must have gotten pregnant on their honeymoon.  Sigh.  I may have to hide her posts on Facebook, because since announcing their pregnancy, her status updates say things like: "Ma and Pa ____.  Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?" and "We're so excited to be parents!".  I'm trying to find it in me to congratulate her, but I haven't been able to yet.  Does that make me an awful person?