Well...

...I applied for the job last night! :)  After talking with my mom (who works at a bank), my mother-in-law (who USED to work at a bank), my friend M.A. (who also used to work at a bank), and seeing all of your wonderful comments, I decided to just apply and see what happens.  Well, I got a reply this afternoon saying that I don't meet "minimum requirements" (which I don't really understand, but whatever.), so that settles that. lol 


 I really, really appreciate all your thoughts on my previous post!  You ladies are so wonderful! :) 

Decisions, decisions

As you may or may not know, I'm a SAHW. :)  I spend most of my day by myself; cleaning, knitting, praying, cooking, blogging, reading, and learning how to bake. :)  I absolutely love, love, love my job!  Growing up, I was totally spoiled (I'm realizing now), because I never had any chores, so I'm learning how to cook/clean while "on the job". lol  Anyway, my DH, Boomz, went to the bank yesterday, and came back with a flier saying they're looking for a teller.  The teller, L, said I could use her as a reference, and nobody has applied yet.   It'd be 30-39 hours a week, and it'd be a significant amount of extra money each month.  We have a lot of expenses coming up (we want to buy a new car since our cars can't handle the snow, we need a new mattress, a CPAP machine for Boomz, we have a mountain of student loan debt), and I'd like to build up my credit a little more, so I'm considering taking the job.  I have reservations about it because: 1) I hate change. lol 2) I'm tired all the time as it is, so I'm worried I'll be exhausted working AND cooking/cleaning. 3) I'm worried stuff around the house just won't get done.  I'm sorry if I'm not making sense!  I'm just trying to get my thoughts organized.  

Okay, I think I'm going to make a Pros/Cons list. lol 

Pros: 

Money for car

Money for mattress

Money for CPAP machine

Money to help pay off student loan debt 

Could possibly help pay for an adoption if we're so called

Build up credit

Cons:

Less time/energy for housework

Less freedom on weekends to see family/friends

Not sure I'd actually be good at it lol 

Oh, did I mention that while my husband was in the bank, I was in the car praying, "God, what would you like me to do with my life right now?":)  When I saw Boomz walking out of the bank with a smile and a flier, I started tearing up because I just KNEW it had something to do with a job. lol  I really don't WANT to get a job, because I love cleaning and taking care of my home, but I want to do what's best for  Boomz and I.  I mean, we're fine money-wise right now, it would just be EXTRA money.  Ughh...I am SO bad at making decisions! 

Any thoughts?  What would y'all do if you were in my situation? 

Happy Feast Day!

Happy Feast of St. John of the Cross! :)  I am in love with Carmelite saints!


Here are some great quotes from this amazing man:


"I die because I do not die." I love this one.  I hear ya, St. John! :)


"To saints, their very slumber is a prayer."


"In solitude He guides her, He alone,
Who also bears in solitude the wound of love"


"God is hidden in the soul. You yourself are His dwelling and His secret chamber and hiding place." Ahh, just think of that!  It blows my mind!


St. John of the Cross, pray for us!  

Thank you!

Thank all of you so much for commenting on my last post.  I was sorely being tempted to self-pity, and obviously I fell. :(  I feel like kind of an idiot for posting it so rashly, and thought about taking the post down, but thought it'd be humbling to keep it up.  :)  I also feel like kind of an ungrateful brat because all of you really have been so wonderful and welcoming!  Again, thank you so much!


I talked to my husband about how lonely I am, and he thinks that maybe my longing for a baby is manifesting itself as loneliness.  At first I dismissed this idea, but the more I think about it, the more I realize it's probably a big part of it.  My temptations of self-pity always start when I'm reading baby things (at least, that's definitely what happened last night!).  I think I have a fear of being "left out" (not just in bloggerland, but in real life too); being the only one left without a child.  And somehow all of this manifests itself as loneliness. lol  I'm crazy.  I mean, I definitely would like friends too, but that might not be the heart of the issue.  


Thank you, everyone, for sticking with me through my crazy!  I don't think I'll be getting rid of my blog. :)

Letting it All Hang Out

I'm considering getting rid of this blog.

I don't know, I just kind of feel like it's pointless.  Who cares about what I have to say?  I don't have any deep insights into life (when I do, I don't know how to articulate them), and I'm not enriching the blogosphere in any way.  I've been thinking about this for about two weeks or so.

I just feel very alone.  I don't really have friends in real life (there aren't any people our age in our town or parish.  It's full of old people or young families), and seeing the deep connections all you (wonderful!) ladies in the blog world have just makes me feel even more lonely.  I'm not saying this to evoke pity or anything, I'm just being real. :)  And of course, I don't mean any offense to all of you beautiful ladies!  I understand that y'all have known each other a very long time.  I don't know.  I'm just lonely.  And all of the pregnancy announcements from my college friends don't help.


P.S. I realize this is totally opposite from the Yaylet'sbejoyful! post I just wrote, but I just needed to get this out.

Happy Gaudete Sunday!

And Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe! :)


What a wonderful day! 


Here's part of the reflection for today from the Advent volume of the In Con.versation with God books:


"Let us ready for Christmas by being close to Our Lady.  Let us try, as well, to get ready for the Holy Season by encouraging an atmosphere of Christian peace where we live and work, and by doing all we can in small ways to bring pleasure and affection to those around us.  People need to be convinced that Christ has really been born in Bethlehem, and few things are more convincing than the habitual happiness of the Christian, even in the midst of pain and contradictions.  Our Lady knew many such contradictions when she came to Bethlehem tired out and after such a long journey, and unable to find a place fit for the birth of her Son.  But these problems did not cause her to lose her joy when God became Man, and dwelt amongst us.


Those are words I needed to hear! :)  
Our Lady of Guadalupe, patroness of the Americas, pray for us!

Cycle Update

Well, it's CD5, and this period has been really weird.  It's been VL-L the whole time with some B in there every once and awhile. Could low progesterone be causing this?  I wasn't on it as long as I usually am, since I'm supposed to take it at P+3, and I didn't have a peak day this cycle, so I just kind of guessed when to take it. :) 


I have so many questions for my doctor, and I was supposed to see her yesterday, but she called and asked to reschedule for the 21st. :(  I've compiled a list of symptoms to bring to the appointment (sorry if some of them are TMI):


headaches-usually on the left side
face going "numb"-usually on the left side
vaginal discharge
prickly feelings in limbs
"lump" in my throat all the time
no energy (I don't even know what it feels like to HAVE energy. lol)
hot flashes
dry eyes-mostly left eye
phlegm or mucus of something in my throat all the time
dry mouth very often
ears hurt a lot-especially left one
reduced breast size
stabbing pains in chest


There are more, but I'm so used to them I forget about them. lol  So I add to the list when I notice something.  I have a feeling she'll tell me that I'm being a hypochondriac (other doctors have said that to me), but I'm not making this stuff up!  There's obviously SOMETHING wrong!  I'm going to try to be assertive, and make sure she takes me seriously.  And I'm going to insist she tries to figure out what's going on with my woman parts; I don't just want my symptoms fixed!  


On a happy note, my husband and I are going to go see the new Chr.onicles of Nar.nia movie tonight!  He also made reservations at this steak place that we've been wanting to go to for practically forever.  I'm so excited! :)